Wednesday, October 20, 2010

R.etired E.xtremely D.angerous

I was itching to go away. I want to keep my mind off of things I should not be thinking when it does not bother thinking about me at all. I was splitting my mind on going or staying at home. Just waiting for me to get sleepy until it is time to wake up and get ready for work. But I made up my mind, with meager money in my light-weight wallet., I decided to go.

I left early and found myself in Glorietta. At home I know I want to watch a movie and my plan B would be having a food trip. I was really having a big appetite these passed few days anyway. But then again I am a movie buff so I ended up on the line at the ticket booth. I honestly don't have a movie in mind that I would like to watch. So I looked at the screen for the movie line up and see the schedules. I chose the one that will just give me enough time not to be late at work. I choose the shortest title on the line up: RED.

I already got to watched the trailer of this movie. It circles about spies and CIAs and these topics had their magnets on me. Aside from the junk food I had I can't resist on munching cheeseburgers and fries on a movie like this. I think I'm loving Glorietta cinemas but Shang Cineplex is still my number one.

The movie started with Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) living a boring life as a retired man whose only social life is talking to Sarah (Mary Louise Parker) on the phone about his monthly pension. He tore those checks
being sent on the mail just to
have the reason to take to his lady love on the phone. (Aww, isn't that sweet?). So the action starts as one night armed men literally bombarded bullets that brought his house down. But a RED like him escape without bruises. He came in search of his lady love so he can protect her for he knows he will go after her. Then as they search for answers why would someone want them dead the old gang got together again. Moses came in first with his old pal Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman) whose already 80-years old has stage 4 liver cancer and whose leisure in life is looking at those tight asses of her nurses at the nursing home. Then there was Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) a paranoid but someone you can count on. ( Love his line, "Old man my ass!"). And there was the ravishing Victoria (Helen Mirren) who tends her rose gar
den in her posh villa while killing people on the side just for the thrill. "You cannot just turn off the switch and flip over" she says about totally living a normal life and forgetting her life as a spy.

And so they brought the band back together. So follows the high-packed action scenes and explosive extravagance here and there. I just so love Helen Mirren's character on this movie. The guys were even scared to visit her for they fear that she would just shoot them. And admit it guys, don't you just find it sexy when a woman shoots high-powered guns with poise and calmness. No one does this scene so perfect like Helen Mirren did. (And so as Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, and the list goes on..) And by the way she says, "I kill people, dear" like it is just a normal day to day activity..=)

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I am smart. My friends never fail to tell me that I am. I know I am. But that smartness was lost when love comes my way. There is always wrong when I fall in love, I tend to lose my way in the process. Well, not to mention the pain and tears that comes with it. As love comes along, my brain was suddenly moved at my feet. I was stepping hard on it. In a snap I become stupid. I don’t know why.

When it comes to giving good, hard advice on being stupid in love, I was number one (I guess) among my friends. I was the one who give them the hurtful truth on the stupidity they are doing for the sake of love. Again, you know what they say; you cannot really put that advice to work to someone else unless you yourself put it to a test. So now I fell in love and become a total moron.

I just gave my all, to the point I have nothing left for myself. Even pride. I was told that I should save my whole salary so I can buy some pride for myself. It is really hard to muster some pride for myself. Maybe I was really nice or I am just scared of losing someone because of pride. Or, I am just really stupid.

I realized you only become stupid and lose your pride when you never really love yourself. That after all this time, all the while I thought I really loved myself and I have so much love to give that I was just sharing it to the people that matter in my life. But it is not. I think I have the notion that I needed to love somebody in order for me to love myself (EAT.PRAY.LOVE). I don’t know really. Sometimes I have this thought I am never really worthy of love so I just give out love to people that I met along the way in my life. If I cannot love myself I just have to give it out.

The truth of it all, LOVE made me stupid and will always make me stupid. Love is playing its game on me. Maybe Cupid loves the way I spread out love. Without even thinking of the reason of anything but just going for it no matter how idiotic it will be.

Anyways, my brain still functions when I do something for love. It is screaming at me when it knows I am going to do something stupid. Still, in the end my heart won the battle. Even if it hurts. Even if it is so weak to go on. My heart fights for its life. It’s the only reason it beats for life. Gradually, it may get tired and the stupidity will end. The end will mean my death, I suppose.

(I think they will declare me brain dead.)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I always have a huge or wide imagination. I think too much. I ponder too long. I just bugged myself too much of everything.

Maybe I dream too much. In the end it was just an imagination full of expectations.

When I was a kid, I always thought I am some princess taken away from my real parents. I was imagining that one day, when I got home from school; some black limousine with the seal of a royal family will be there at the busy sidewalk near our house. As I came of age, I imagine I would be recruited in the CIA and would be a femme fatale spy. I even saw myself as a Broadway singer or a prima ballerina. I become everyone in my head.

But then it just stays stuck in my big wide world of my imagination. It never came out in the real cruel world. I learned from one of my dear friend that "imagination seems reality". The gullible in me, readily believe that. I always tend to believe on the things and sayings most especially if I haven’t heard it before. I started to imagine a lot about life.

And as I grow older I imagine a lot of love…

I imagine that this guy will soon would be kneeling before me and will confess his undying love. That one day he can no longer stand it whenever he passes my way, and would swept me into his arms with a lingering kiss on my mouth. That one day my smiles would be the only things he misses and long each day. That one day my love would and my presence would be the only thing that matters to him. But that one day does not really matter.

For that one day never came…

Even though that day never came to my expectations, I still imagine that one day it will become reality. I hold on to that saying. This time as I try to imagine, I add up my expectations. I tend to think that my imagination would be reflecting in my expectations. But as my imaginations are failure my expectations are my nightmare. I hold on to the time that it will be there right in front of my eyes. The day I longed so much to happen will come to reality. But life is always harsh, when I am almost there I would suddenly come crashing down. It is like a precious thing that you fought so hard to keep but it will be taken away from you just like that.

I dreamed too much, it hurts too much to see it’s never going to come true at all. I imagine too much that reality never came. I expect too much that the true world sucks already for me.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

SAD vs. Happy vs. SAD

When sadness swept your way, it's like its never going to leave you

When happiness comes your way, it feels like it's never going to last.

When sadness comes my way it feels like its never going to leave. It is like eating me alive drying my eyes out because of the never ending tears. It’s like there is something hollow in my chest that needs some air to contain the emptiness. There is something needed to be filled up but there's no one out there to help you. I really can’t tell the feeling it gave me when so much sadness fills my deteriorating heart. These passed few days and most of the time I feel like my chest is pressed hard against the wall. I know something is wrong that I cannot explain. Before I just cry my heart out, sometimes out of nowhere I can burst out my tears just like that. But the day finally came that I cannot cry anymore. Am I really sad or my tears are just fed up to fall again and again? I found myself scolding my heart not to be sad and don’t start crying.

When I am happy, it’s about the simple, little things done in the most unexpected way I could never imagine. My happiness comes in a shallow way but I can almost cry because I am overjoyed. When I laugh, I don’t force it. It is easy to make me laugh. I smile and laugh genuinely, and you know I am happy. Just make me laugh and I am happy. But I can’t always laugh all the time. The funny moments fade away eventually. It’s not going to last long. I am always scared to be happy. I have a notion that when I am happy for so long, something bad will soon be raining on my happiness. It feels like I don’t deserve it because it is always taken away from me. That’s why I learned to savor the much unexpected moments when happiness comes my way, because it might be over soon. I will never know when it will come my way again.

Maybe I have learned to take in sadness as much as I want it to go soon. I have mastered the art of taking it all in until it gets the worst of my pain and tears. Then eventually, it will go as soon as it feels and see that I have enough of the gloomy feeling. Until it had taken all that it can take away from me.

Maybe I feel that I don’t deserve to be happy because I am scared of being happy in the first place. It is like I am depriving myself that I can be happy. I don’t know. I am just scared. I feel sorry for my heart because it can contain more sadness as much as it would like to feel more rapture.

I am sad. I am happy. Most of the time surviving the gloom and holding on to my happy moments…

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Time

Sometimes there is a real need to give time to yourself. A time to ponder on things you have done and will be able to do for yourself. Sometimes you just have to let it go and be who you want to be.

I always came to a point that suddenly I do not know what I want anymore. Wherein, I was suddenly clueless, why I was here or what I am doing here. I lost purpose and the dreadful thing is I lost all the will to continue. It is like crossroads, you remember you chose this path but you cannot remember anymore why you did in the first place. I do sometimes think that I am sick in the head or in the heart. I know for the fact that I was not making the right choices and the right things yet I still continue not knowing that it will destroy me in the end.

I know I have to run away to somewhere where I can only think of nothing but myself and be selfish for one time or maybe for a long time for my own good. It’s not that bad that for one you have to earn something for yourself that no one can take away. Maybe the prides that I have always have struggled to have and save so I won’t think little of myself.

I want to runaway. I remember when I was just kid, there was an instance that I suddenly packed some of my clothes in a plastic bag and planned to run away that night. I just got a good scold from my mother. I was awake all night and was waiting for the time when everybody is fast asleep and I can sneak out to the outside world. But I was never out the door, until now I was safely in the inside waiting for the outside to come and fetch me. Just to see what it’s like to be out there. Free to runaway and be myself alone.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Big Sis

So many things has been said and done and yet here I am. I cried so much. I laugh so hard. These passed few months has been a blur and somewhat gave me a crystal clear view of life. I got to lose myself along the way and then found it again in the end.

I always care too much about the world and I didn’t even know I was losing myself. I need someone to help me bang myself against the wall so I can see the reality of what I am doing.

This I write for my big sister/bestfriend Ate Joanne.

She was the reality of my insane life. If she is not there, I am still losing myself along the way. I would never know how to pick myself up and to ponder on the silly things I’ve been doing because of love and life in general. If I am not afraid of her pulling my hair off or shaving it off, I would never learn to be selfish and think of myself more. I would never learn how to earn pride for myself which I never really have most of the time.

Our long talks and support to each other makes me sane when I am crazy. I am thankful that she dragged me to somewhere else where I finally found the world where I think will give me growth and time for myself.

Merci beau coup, ate Joanne..^_^

My come back to my blogging world is for you. My first entry after a long time is for you..^_~

Sunday, June 27, 2010


Do I love from behind? Am I scared of falling in love? All I know is I am not. For even though, I know that it may lead me to Heartbreak Boulevard I still walk along the path of love.

I was never scared though I take the pain alone; I was not frightened to love. My friend told me I was loving again from behind. He said I was hurting myself again. I laughed sarcastically and said I am a masochist. Suddenly, I was teary-eyed....

If all the guys whom I loved from behind only knew, they would know how lucky they are to feel my love. Still, nobody cares and most of the time they choose to ignore it. I guess I always fell for the wrong person or for the wrong moment of time. I never regret it anyway.This is the love I chose to have and this is the pain I chose to endure. It is just that it is only I that I who feels everything and anything. I think there is nothing wrong with that. When you knew you from the start it will lead you nowhere, you choose to love from behind. Silently but full of actions. I just make them feel me no matter how they chose to ignore it. I think I am used to that. Maybe that is why I do not picture myself on dreaming of walking down the aisle.

Like when my Papa told me that someday when I met a guy, he should be worth it, and I just went, "I am not going to marry, I'm just going to get myself pregnant and have a baby on my own". Papa blurted, "Gago!". I think every father wants their daughter to be happy with a man someday like how they made their daughters happy. My Papa just wanted to see me happy in a way. But right now, I am happy that I have two men in my life who would never hurt me; my Papa and Dodick.

My friend told me to stop loving from behind because I am hurting myself. I told him that was easy of him to say because I am not like him. Like him, who has never felt rejection before. I think everyone loves him. Easy for him to say, because no one would say no to him . I only wish I can be like him. I have earned the courage before of telling someone I loved but only earn rejection but still that never gave me a stop to love and feel love.

It is never right to surrender your faith in love just because you are scared or you are hurt. It is never right to feel exhaustion in love though it gives you the bleakest of hope, you should have faith in someday. You will never know that somewhere, somehow along the way someday may bring your someone...Your somebody to love...

Thursday, June 24, 2010


When the people you know suddenly sees you in a way they don't expect you to be. Two things: it is either the like it or loathe it.

I had a recent 'tampo' on my friends about the picture I posted on my FB profile. My friend who photographed me was so proud of that picture. He said I must always dress and looked that way. He was so elated about the comments my picture earned from my friends and random people. Then there was a comment about the editing of the picture. I don't understand it at first but anyways it is about the technical. Then I got a chat message from another friend that my picture is obviously edited and then she goes that my it was not me at all. That my head was just put on that body. I got offended. Then my friend who took the picture left a comment that he did not edit much of it but just the background. There is another comment of apology from the friend who said that wasn't my body. Another comment again that was a reply from my friend's comment who got offended. It was already pissing me off. It was not a big deal to me at all about their comment on the editing but the fact that it was already going to be a big issue annoyed me. I decided to delete the picture, to stop whatever misunderstandings that might erupt.

I admit I was hurt a bit. It was just a picture. I felt that they just don't like it. Is it a big deal that it was edited? Most of the pictures nowadays were edited? I told this sentiment to my other friends, and they said that they can just say they like it or not. I was never used earning praises and people telling that I am beautiful. This picture boost my fading in and fading out self-esteem. But with those comments, I felt that my other friends don't like the changes I am going through. I am still me no matter what. I was thinking that with that picture they think I am not the same old me they used to know. I am me. I was just trying to be better for myself. It is seldom anyway that I try new things to better myself. I am hurt by the feelings those comments gave me. It is not that I am too over-reacting about the editing issue it is about the fact that they don't want to embrace the changes I am going through. It is like it is not so me to be like that. It is like I am not worthy to change.

I n the end, they felt I was really hurt and they did apologize. I am happy again.
Still, am I beautiful? Like it or loathe it?

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Why do we have to part ways and say the word goodbye? Why is there a need to let go, when it's all you ever wanted?

I am scared to say goodbye and let go but when it is the right thing to do that pains me a lot. There are a lot of situation wherein you have to let go and leave for good. It is not about relationship only; it is in all aspects of life.

As young as we are, we learn to say goodbye to the shallowest reason of it. And as we grew older we get to taste the bitterness and the deepest mark it bestowed upon us.

I learned to let go of petty material things that were already broken and can no longer be apart of me as I grow old. But it is hard for me, if I took so much care of that thing and something will happen to keep me apart from it. I get too attached, that’s it.

Maybe, that is my fault on the word goodbye. It is hard because I attached myself too much. It’s like never giving up and clinging on to it until time makes you feel that it’s time to go. It is so difficult, that you gave your all just to stay but in the end you will have to let go. People get tired also and there is always a need to move on. It is just so sad that when you go nobody cares. When goodbye is there, nobody dares to follow. They think you are a coward on giving up. They just don’t know that to stay together is a compromise. Just like the things you have taken care of, you should also take care of the people that life gave you.

Goodbye and letting go is painful, it is just that somehow, somewhere you just have to learn to see yourself again that you lost. I don’t think it is a coward thing to let go, it is the bravest thing to do.

It is the will to stay, when you say goodbye…

Thursday, June 17, 2010


These are my answers to the PROUST Questionnaire

Your Favorite virtue:Patience
your favorite qualities in a man:
your favorite qualities in a woman:
simple and caring
Your chief characteristic:nice

What you appreciate the most in your friends:
Your main fault:
having no pride at all
Your favorite occupation:
Your idea of happiness:
being with one who loves you the most
Your idea of misery:
being left behind
If not yourself, who would you be:
I would be a nun
Where would you like to live:
Your favorite colour and flower: blue, tulips
Your favorite prose authors:
Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham, Dan Brown, Ken Follett
Your favorite poets:
Pablo Neruda, Brownings
Your favorite heroes in Fiction:
Your favorite heroines in Fiction:
What characters in history do you most dislike?:
Your heroines in world history:
Joan of Arc
Your favorite food and drink:
anything with potatoes; iced tea
Your favorite names:
Sophie, Andrew
What I hate the most:
people taking me for granted but still I was always there for them
World history characters I hate the most:
Adolf Hitler
What is your present state of mind:
For what fault have you most toleration:
ignorance in a tolerable way
Your favorite motto:
trust in the LORD with all your Heart

What historical figure do you most identify with?:
Mother Teresa???
Which living person do you most admire?:
My Father
What is the trait do you most deplore in others:
What is your greatest extravagance?:
my shoes
On what occasion do you lie?:
if the situation needs it, I seldom lie
What do you dislike most about your appearance?:
When and where were you happiest?: with a sweet and simple action done in the most unexpected way
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?:
none, I am me
If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?:
I love them
What do you consider your greatest achievement?: having a job and helping my family
If you died and came back as a person or thing what do you think it would be?:
a dolphin
What is your most treasured possession?:books
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?:
being alone without someone loving you
Howe would you like to die?:
as early as possible..+_+

Sunday, June 13, 2010


I do not think this is me, hehehe..

I always dreamed of becoming a model..=D

Saturday, June 12, 2010


I rode the bicycle with him to school when I was young..

I even saw him on the flag raising ceremony when he was a soldier before..

He would tap my butt (my siblings call it “pikpik) softly so I could go to sleep soundly…

Who he is…

He is Mr. Benjamin Mauleon, who else but my father..

My cousins once told me that I was a papa’s girl and I was…really

I was really close to my father I couldn’t remember any moment in my life he even laid a hand on me..

Though I always been so bad..

It even came to a point that I was ashamed of him being my father but that was really the most evil thing a daughter could do to her father..

He would do anything and everything so I could be alright..

He would always calm me down whenever i broke down in tears..

He would always keep me confident and fill my coward heart brave words that will make me strong..

He would be sometimes corny but his jokes would always make me smile no matter what..

He was my soldier..

My clown..

My driver…

My mentor…

My confidence..

I would always be thankful to GOD for giving me such a great father like him

Some day when I get married I will find a man like him…

I only wish that I could give him anything he wanted in life..

And that he will never work for us anymore..

I want to serve him and my mother until they leave me

Thursday, June 10, 2010


When I was a kid, I am always petrified on the thought of being lost.....

I was on my way home today from raiding the tiangge at Tiendesitas when a dowdy looking boy rode the jeep that I was on. I thought he was one of those usual kids who rode on jeeps and give out envelopes with note written by them about asking some help. He is not. I was surprised when he paid for his fare but he did not say where he would get off. As the jeep rode along, he asked the lady beside me on how he can get to Cubao. The lady gave him directions which is far and I know the way that is shorter but I did not say anything. The gay who was beside the boy gave him Php20 for his fare. As the jeep rode along, the boy kept asking directions and the place we passed by. I was thinking of giving my half-empty bottled Nestea but again I did not.

I know in my heart the kid is lost. I always dreaded to be in the situation the boy was in that moment when I was a kid. Whenever our family goes out to have our usual weekend getaways, I was always clinging on to my father's polo or my mother's skirt. I was a believer of those creeepy stories when a child gets lost. Some bad people will stash them away and eat them, or sell them to other people to be slaves, beg on the streets or sell their internal organs.

The moment I was looking at the boy, I can see in his eyes that he was scared but he kept his stance just like a big boy amidst the cruel city. Then he asked where are we. The woman answered him and asked where does he live? He answered in Pasig, but where? He said, "Matatandaan ko naman po 'yon." He always say he would go to Cubao. I got off never knowing where the boy was really going to?

Whoever, his parents are, weren't they bothered that their son is out in the streets and was sacred on finding his way back home? I am glad I have parents who never let their eagle eyes on their children when they go out and just let them pull their polo or their skirt...

Sunday, June 6, 2010


One day,I will be sick and tired of my life. I fear that one day coming to me.

Here I am again having the same old sentiments and complaints. I was always there but no ones there for me. Everyday, I'm being the girl who was always there when someone needs me. I'll cross the ocean, get through the obstacles just to be on the rescue to someone who needs me.

I wish I had the courage to be selfish and think more of myself and be bad. I'm always nice, gullible and stupid. I feel so bad when people are already taking advantage of it and I still ignoring it even if I am fully aware of it.

My life is in random again. I do this for other people. I do that for them. But nobody hears me out. My voice just rings in and out in the four corners of my world.

I am merely just an echo that nobody wants to listen to. When they even listen, they do not really comprehend. That I need someone to be there for me too. It is too childish to feel exhausted to be there with other people. But there is the street on the road I traveled that I am thinking I had enough of the kindness thing. I wanna be evil and do bad things.

Yet still I can't be bad. Even just being lying is such a big thing for me. I cannot stand the thought of people hating me and having an enemy. I do not have pride at all when someone is mad at me. Even if its their fault, I talk to them and give up the fight first. My friend said that is too bad for me. People will really take advantage of me.

So what am I going to do?

Even though I am the kindest person in the world...I am just like an echo..I come and I go..

Friday, May 28, 2010

-Different Horizon-

A typical, love story...

Yesterday, I wasn't able to accomplish anything. BULL*#@%! Anyways, I was close to crying again while me and Jana was talking about another friend who is Tony. I told her I'm happy whenever Tony and I are together. It's so much fun and simple. That I am proud that the moment we shared is nothing compared to his new set of friends. But Jana said, what if he does not have a choice at all but to be with me. I suddenly got hurt about that idea. Then I thought maybe his new friends are telling something bad about me. Jana said that Tony and I are very much unlike each other. I don't want to entertain the idea that Tony does not find me as a good friend. That I am not really the friend he longs for. Either way, Jana told me that above anything else I made a mark on his life. I told myself not to get too close to someone.

It's hard to leave and move. I also got to realize one line I heard on TV today.

That maybe it's meant to be that way. One day you're so good with each other, the other day you won't be anymore.

Why does it have to be like that? From the longest time of my friendship with Tony, he seldom took care of me but when he does it's already a big thing for me. The seldom the gesture, the most instant it was done, the more I appreciate it. I don't want to count the things I've done for him because all of it, I love doing it. Maybe if someone read this, they might think I'm in love with him which everybody thinks I am. Maybe I am. Somewhere in my heart, I love him but that's just it. In the deep side of my heart there's the thought that won't bloom on the surface. Maybe he's like that too. It's just that at the moment we have each other, fate gave us a different horizon to see. It's there but I know, I can't face the thought of it. Because I just love the way we are. No commitment, no fuss, no responsibility. I think I'm contented with that. (Stupid me!)

<* Not necessarily on a noted day.This is the story of Pam.>

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Issues They're Talking ABout

Let me try giving my views on the current issues in and around the metro..

I don't know what to blog when I realized there are a lot of issues circling the airwaves nowadays. From the campaign to make Noynoy stop smoking, to the 2010 CENSUS, from Willie's indefinite leave at Wo
wowee and many more.

I did not know it was already time for the ever hardworking teachers to check how much are population had grown. Last time, I check we are already hitting 80 million. Back in college, there were a lot of closely knit houses near our campus. We had one project wherein we need to mingle with the community. One of the group in our class chose the barangay near the campus. When they did their ocular check, they found out that in one house, five families were sharing the amenities. That was I think back in 2005. What more in 2010? The teachers taking the grueling job for the CENSUS 2010 brave the heat of the El Nino and will have to meet the quota of 300 household just to get their meager allowance of Php11,000. Our house was already counted. We already had the pink sticker on our door.

Another hot issue is the arrogance and power tripping of Wowowee host Willie Revillame. He suddenly went berserk on Entertainment commentator Jobert Sucaldito's views on him making fun of his contestants. Which is really true anyway. He makes the people beg for money making them look stupid. He has this arrogance that people should follow whatever he say if want money. Then comes his statement that he will resign if ABS-CBN Management would not kick Sucalsdito out. How could he threaten people like that? Yeah, he is famous but that does not give him the power to command the people who put him to where he is now. In the end, he'll se that not everyone is fond of him. In the end, he is going to be alone because of his arrogance.

Let's go to o
ur soon going to be proclaimed president Noynoy Aquino. It was suddenly a fuss on him not trying to quit smoking.It is his health anyway. If its his decision not to quit then so be it. they are just making this an issue. Before it was his intellectual capacity and now his habit of smoking. If smoking won't get in the way on how he rules over our country, then its no big deal. Those people who are feeling angels because they quit smoking just like that are hypocrites. Admit it, they also struggle on quitting it. maybe Noynoy does not see himself quitting smoking yet. I don't smoke but I have nothing against people who smoke.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Getting Under your Skin

I ended this week with a lot of annoyance and releasing of this annoyance. There are a lot of people who were already getting under my skin. But then again, I juts let it pass. I do pity them because they don't know that they were already annoying the people around them with their attitudes. The fact that they have to be really attention-grabbers just to be noticed. In short, they are "papansin". Some think they were God's gift to the crowd so you will have to focus your attention to them. They think they are being smart or cool by getting the attention with their stupid moves but they are not. They are merely making themselves looking so stupid.

I think people who are 'papansin', can be group into two. Those who are having the effort to get notice by their irritable moves that they don't know they are merely morons with what they are doing. The other one is I think the most irritable. These are the people who think they are the ones you need to focus on. These people are airheads already. They think they are the VIPs that you must not ignore them or you missed half of your life. Duh!?

At the end, I don't mind these kind of people. At one moment they irritate and annoy me but when I just let out those bad feelings towards them, I am fine. I don't let them get under my skin the whole day. I just have to accept the fact that they are like that. The sad part is they might lose the people around them with that kind of attitude. Not all people can tolerate them and understand them the whole time. Everybody has a different tolerance level and patience when it comes to that kind of 'papansin' attitude. And it is pitiful, that they have to be 'papansin' just to be seen and be notice.

Think before you speak!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Saw Myself

I saw my two other personas...

I saw a nun today on my way home.

It was back in high school that I asked for a sign if I was going to be a nun. It was in our baccalaureate mass that my sign came. There was a big image of Mother Mary on the stage during the mass. After the communion, there was announcement. They were calling those who have heard the call of the Lord. Those who are willing to offer their hearts and lives to the glory of the Lord. I grew up in a simple household; with simple things contented on what we have. I knew in my heart if I pursue the path of the Lord, I am going to be happy. I will never fear and be in pain. But then , I realized that I was finding an escape from the cruel world. I can say I am already matured emotionally and mentally but I was still naive about the new world that I will enter in college. I was scared that I was thinking of getting a peaceful path. My close friends knew that I thought of entering the convent but my parents don't. I think I was just at awe on how someone can offer her whole being to the glory of the Lord. I am open to challenges. I always admire those priest and nuns I came to passed by in my everyday lives. I am proud to feel in my heart that in my past, I dreamed of becoming one with Lord. I am one with the Lord. He never left when most of the time I did leave Him. Who knows my path might suddenly took a big turn and make my sign a reality...^_^

I saw Pablo Neruda in MRT on my way home yesterday.

It's the MRT's Berso sa Metro. They also have this in LRT. Pablo Neruda is a Chilean writer and politician (1904-1973).

"If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,for I shall already have forgotten you". (If You Forget me)

Back in college I got glued on reading his poems that struck my aching heart back then. It was full of emotions wrapped in such lovely words. I always love poetry. I love how such unfathomed meanings were kept in there that you will have to read; more than reading between the lines. I got to hide my innermost, hurtful feelings in poetry. All the pain, the joy and heartaches that I'd been through was trapped inside there. I wanted it to be released on the person who will read it. I wanted it to touch lives and pinch the hearts. I hope I can be a famous poet if not a photographer. I went on pursuing a career in journalism to touch lives by my words and open minds by my opinions. Aside from the fact that writing become my outlet. I always wanted to try painting or just anything but I always went back to my first love: writing. When I can no longer cry, laugh or die, I write...
Right now, I blog..

Monday, May 17, 2010

Still Single..

Everyone makes a fuss suddenly as I changed my relationship status on Facebook. There was pandemonium and everyone went berserk. It is the middle of the night when I just thought of changing my status. Maybe I am tired of seeing that Single status on my profile page.

As I changed my post, one friend commented that she like it and my best friend followed a comment that I was just being 'epal'. I then went to bed and think about what will my changed status post will look like. I know most of them will find it unbelievable and some will be curious who will it be. They wish.

So after a good night sleep and eating my breakfast, I checked out my Facebook profile. As expected, comments poured in like rain. Most of them were surprised for I'd been single for a long time. My closest friends were clueless because I am not telling them someone who might be the one. It is so funny! There were comments like: 'for real?', 'who's the lucky man?', and so on so forth. I am also touched because I think most of my friends wanted me to be with the guy who deserves me. The one who will really swept me off my feet and who will be there for me. I think there will come a time for that as I always pray for it anyway.

Still, people always made a fuss if you are in a relationship but when you are single they don't care at all. It's like when you are single, you are like a poor puppy that no one would think of buying.

Happiness does not mean having that someone who can give you joy. Instead, it is having someone to share your happiness with. And to that someone who is willing to share my happiness, I'm willing to let you in..Be my lucky man,hehehe...^_^

Sunday, May 16, 2010

At Home on a Weekend

This is a solid proof that I no longer have enough money to explore the world and get on an adventure. I get to be my old self again. A certified homebody. I get to earn a lot of sleep and ate properly at home.

But being at home on a weekend gave me a lot of things to do also and thoughts to ponder.

Last week started well that continued into a lot of dramas. There was a lot of fuzz at my new work. Almost everyone is having a hard time coping. Some of them already left for good. Even my closest friend who dragged me into applying is already giving up. I don’t know what to feel. I am having a hard time also but then again I was thinking of making this new job work out for me. For I told myself that this would be my last try on accepting calls, if it does not work I’m going to let go. We managed to get through the weekend as we took our first calls along with our complaints here and there. It was suddenly a new world for us: virgins or non-virgins. I think this weekend was meant to get me relax and have enough rest. I am so thin already, anyway.

As Saturday came, I got to talk to my previous coach and we catch up on each other. I suddenly became a love adviser to her. I found it surprising that I got to give good advice even tough I’ve never been into a relationship. It felt good that you get to ease someone’s heartaches and confusion just by giving those advices. Still, at the end of the day, my advice would be worthless because it’s up to them to live out what I told them or follow their heart. We all know that the end of this is: the heart always won. Love makes us stupid people. You know in your mind that doing those things makes you so stupid yet because you love that person dearly, stupidity becomes you.

I cried the night I came to bed last Saturday. I just felt like crying. I cried because I suddenly felt happy and thankful despite the confusion. I felt contented. Amazingly, I just realized at that very moment I am so happy. Thanks a bunch Lord.

Sunday came and it is still spent on sleeping. I was thinking of attending the anniversary party of my new work but then laziness get in the way. Another thought about love came also. Am I scared of letting love in? Because of this thought, I dreamt about some guys that came into my life. Those who did not let me in and those I let in without strings attached. All I know is that I am happy. I always pray to God that whoever comes or whatever comes I just want to be ready and worthy of it.

Love. Life. The Weekends. ^_^

The Outside..

"The Outside"
Taylor Swift

I didn't know what I would find
When I went looking for a reason, I know
I didn't read between the lines
And, baby, I've got nowhere to go
I tried to take the road less traveled by
But nothing seems to work the first few times
Am I right?
So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside
You saw me there, but never knew
I would give it all up to be
A part of this, a part of you
And now it's all too late so you see
You could've helped if you had wanted to
But no one notices until it's too
Late to do anything
[Repeat Chorus]
So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Next Adventure Please..

This weekend that I had was kinda fully-booked. I went on an adventure with my friends. I loved the weekends like this. I wished it would never end. It was my second time at Eco Park.

ZIP Lined

All geared-up for the zipline moment. I was kinda scared on what if I fell off the water and the harness was not secure.
And zoom I went on the zip line. I was laughing before Kuya push me because my best friend's butt hit the platform before he zoomed. Hehehe. As I reached the other end, my knees were really shaking but it was really fun. On my way back, the other Kuya was moving the rope up and down and I was kinda dizzy. I ended up again with wobbly knees. Yet still it was so much fun. I realized the zip line was kind of a short ride.

Wall Climbing

Getting ready to my ever-first try at wall climb. I was hesitant because I might embarrass myself on not reaching the top and hitting the bell. To think my best friend who is guy, was climbing together with me. Aweshucks. I am scared to fail.

I was shouting at the Kuya who is supporting my rope that I don't want anymore when I am only halfway to the top. He was shouting that I can do it. I was a bit struggling but thank God on my long arms and (as Ate Selle said I have long legs pala..) my long legs, I reached the top.

Me, Tophet and Julie..all ready for the adventure..^_^

I can't hardly wait for my next adventure..^_^