*Yesterday, I wasn't able to accomplish anything. BULL*#@%! Anyways, I was close to crying again while me and Jana was talking about another friend who is Tony. I told her I'm happy whenever Tony and I are together. It's so much fun and simple. That I am proud that the moment we shared is nothing compared to his new set of friends. But Jana said, what if he does not have a choice at all but to be with me. I suddenly got hurt about that idea. Then I thought maybe his new friends are telling something bad about me. Jana said that Tony and I are very much unlike each other. I don't want to entertain the idea that Tony does not find me as a good friend. That I am not really the friend he longs for. Either way, Jana told me that above anything else I made a mark on his life. I told myself not to get too close to someone.
It's hard to leave and move. I also got to realize one line I heard on TV today.
Why does it have to be like that? From the longest time of my friendship with Tony, he seldom took care of me but when he does it's already a big thing for me. The seldom the gesture, the most instant it was done, the more I appreciate it. I don't want to count the things I've done for him because all of it, I love doing it. Maybe if someone read this, they might think I'm in love with him which everybody thinks I am. Maybe I am. Somewhere in my heart, I love him but that's just it. In the deep side of my heart there's the thought that won't bloom on the surface. Maybe he's like that too. It's just that at the moment we have each other, fate gave us a different horizon to see. It's there but I know, I can't face the thought of it. Because I just love the way we are. No commitment, no fuss, no responsibility. I think I'm contented with that. (Stupid me!)
<* Not necessarily on a noted day.This is the story of Pam.>