Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I am smart. My friends never fail to tell me that I am. I know I am. But that smartness was lost when love comes my way. There is always wrong when I fall in love, I tend to lose my way in the process. Well, not to mention the pain and tears that comes with it. As love comes along, my brain was suddenly moved at my feet. I was stepping hard on it. In a snap I become stupid. I don’t know why.
When it comes to giving good, hard advice on being stupid in love, I was number one (I guess) among my friends. I was the one who give them the hurtful truth on the stupidity they are doing for the sake of love. Again, you know what they say; you cannot really put that advice to work to someone else unless you yourself put it to a test. So now I fell in love and become a total moron.
I just gave my all, to the point I have nothing left for myself. Even pride. I was told that I should save my whole salary so I can buy some pride for myself. It is really hard to muster some pride for myself. Maybe I was really nice or I am just scared of losing someone because of pride. Or, I am just really stupid.
I realized you only become stupid and lose your pride when you never really love yourself. That after all this time, all the while I thought I really loved myself and I have so much love to give that I was just sharing it to the people that matter in my life. But it is not. I think I have the notion that I needed to love somebody in order for me to love myself (EAT.PRAY.LOVE). I don’t know really. Sometimes I have this thought I am never really worthy of love so I just give out love to people that I met along the way in my life. If I cannot love myself I just have to give it out.
The truth of it all, LOVE made me stupid and will always make me stupid. Love is playing its game on me. Maybe Cupid loves the way I spread out love. Without even thinking of the reason of anything but just going for it no matter how idiotic it will be.
Anyways, my brain still functions when I do something for love. It is screaming at me when it knows I am going to do something stupid. Still, in the end my heart won the battle. Even if it hurts. Even if it is so weak to go on. My heart fights for its life. It’s the only reason it beats for life. Gradually, it may get tired and the stupidity will end. The end will mean my death, I suppose.
(I think they will declare me brain dead.)