Sunday, July 22, 2012

Silence Loves a Loner

You can find her at the solitude table eating her packed lunch alone. There she is at her spot busy doodling when all other persons around her were busy chatting and laughing. Amidst the raucous and rowdy surrounding, the ghost of silence was drawn to her. It sits unknowingly on her shoulder and found solace at the girl. A girl whom awhile ago was accused as a loner. 

So the loner in me finally found someone whom I can attract and be drawn to me. I don’t know but suddenly I felt like I found my old self again. My old self whom I loved the most but was lost because I was trying to be more with the world I was in. But, then again out of nowhere when someone shouted and called me a loner, I felt like having amnesia and was healed when I heard that word. I came to know again that this is the very soul of me. 

Ever since, I was young my teachers would have the same repetitious comments on my report card; timid, shy, quiet and whatever adjective that can be synonymous to those three words. I do not think my parents were even bothered about it. I think they were just scared eventually as I grew up, because they think I may not be ready for the world and it might eat me up in whole. I was not the mean type of a fighter or someone who would even try to get even when being steeped on. Though sometimes my being timid and shy is like  bait to those people who have the habit of making other people's lives miserable. But sometimes my being quiet also wards them off my life and they left me alone. Maybe they realize that I am boring with fighting back.

And right now, if someone asked me if this is my weakness then indeed it is. Honestly, I was having a hard time pinpointing my strengths and weaknesses. But I came to a conclusion that my being a loner and the silent type are both my weakness and strength. As I try to battle my way and be one with the world, eventually the weakness of being a loner become my own strength. As the name calling of being a loner echoed in my ear I felt my strength. I have talk about finding solace in silence and I guess it has fell in love with me in the very first place. In the very first place that I cried on my own, felt hurt like I can no longer breathe and surrendering my pain. Silence was there to embrace me when I felt alone and ignored.  It was like an unrequited love waiting to be loved back. It is true when they say that we should not bury our roots deeply in this world. As a loner, I learned that as I tend to do that we are sooner or later; losing ourselves. It is like we pattern our lives with the way the world has to when it is not really the right way. And here I am hearing the call of silence and embracing my solitude as I know I will always have to keep up with the world where everybody is changing and influencing you. But I know I will always have silence and my loner self to save me.

You can see me eating lunch alone at a solitude table or at a corner deep in a book or just writing something. I guess I have my own world and anyone can feel free to be in mine. But I know when I felt alone my first lover; Silence would always love a Loner in me.