Saturday, February 27, 2010


These are the pictures I saw on one of the many bulletin boards in our campus back in college. It was already late in the evening when we passed by that corridor and my friends made me see these pictures. I never thought it would haunt and disturb me so much that day I laid my eyes on it.

This picture won the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography on May 23, 1994. Sudan by that time is suffering from famine and political unrest. The child who is a girl was crawling her way to a food center while a vulture lands nearby ready to make the girl its prey.

Another disturbing still scene. A child washing his hair against the pouring pee of this cow. There is another photo wherein a child was pressing its mouth against the back of a cow. Waiting for something to come out just to feed his grumbling stomach.

He is Kevin Carter who won the Pulitzer Prize. He took the girl's picture fumbling her way to a food center. This award-winning picture earned him criticism of being a cold-hearted photographer who have the guts to take picture of the suffering girl and not even helping her.

Kevin Carter committed suicide on July 24, 1994. Here is his death note:

"I am depressed ... without phone ... money for rent ... money for child support ... money for debts ... money!!! ... I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings and corpses and anger and pain ... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners...I have gone to join Ken if I am that lucky."


Thoughts About The Dark Continent

Africa is said to be a God-Forsaken Continent.

For almost all the problems are brought to this continent. You could see the widespread droughts, depressing scenarios of famine and the bloody effects of a long year of tribal genocide wars are all capturing the international scene

Aside from that some of the African countries are often categorized as one of the poorest country in the world and they rely heavily on foreign aides. Some of the major necessities of their everyday lives are imported due to famine. Though most of the labor force are subsistent farmers and rely mostly on agriculture, African land is deprived of a fertile soil to till and along with that they have a poor climate condition. History says that Africa had long been under the bondage of some the European countries as their colony. For this, they suffered slavery, racial discrimination and lack of independence. Some of the countries were just freed and gain independence in the late 1960s or in the late 1970s. As a result of long years under the colonizers they lack the expertise to govern their own country and these came along the tragic civil wars and tribal genocide. Ethnic groups against ethnic groups. People against their government. Religion against religion. Country against country. These are but the factors that resulted to a very problematic and never-ending unrest within countries of the African Continent.

Internationally known, UN Peacekeeping forces came to the rescue and aided the problems of Africa. Also some foreign countries offered help to them. But the unfortunate truth is that some foreign countries only came to the aid of Africa with hidden agendas. They are exploiting the meager source of minerals from the African Land, brainwashing its native and nomadic people; taking advantage of the weak government; and in some worst parts provoking more of the civil wars and prolonging the tribal wars. This could be in my own opinion but you could really tell the truth just by merely observing and knowing the history. Another very unfortunate truth, some of the aides didn’t pursue their mission more and instead withdraw their team. Now you could tell why the likes of Angelina Jolie and Madonna adopt African children, why broadcast journalist Christiane Amanpour covering the conflict in Sudan, why Oprah’s opening schools there and many more who came to the aid of this Dark Continent in the middle of the world.

Knowing these issues across the globe is such an eye opening for me and for someone out there who needs our help. It could be simple yet as powerful of a help through our prayers and the hopes we have in our heart. Tears and material help may not be enough sometimes to ease the sufferings and burden of what they have but letting them know that people different from care enough to pary to alleviate their pain is enough. I realized that I am very lucky to be in the place where I am right now. But knowing how life is easier for us we take for granted the world on the other side; suffering and in pain. We must take a stand and take a look around the world we lived in.

Africa…A Dark Continent placed upon the Light of the world…A dark civilization the dry, barren land…Covered under the cloak of sufferings and the shadows of greedy powerful people…Africa…Dark but a simple prayer can light up their world.

Another Day in Paradise

You were on a jeep you see them on the sidewalk...You were walking along a busy street, there they are looking blankly at the sky...You go to somewhere and they were almost everywhere...I know you see them too. They are what we call 'taong grasa'...

The world is really getting worst now.On all aspects of life, I can say. Maybe the proliferation of beggars and taong grasa is the sign that the world is now different. In the Philippines, we can't deny the fact that there are a lot of people in the streets and it does reflect our way of life.

Admittedly, I was afraid of those
taong grasa because they might go berserk and run after me. We see them as smelly and crazy people. We really don't know what is going on inside their minds anyway.

Now, I was just a bit scared of them and I find them lucky. They have a world of their own and they are much away from the real and harsh world. Maybe in their world they see themselves as clean and a very happy person. They have a beautiful life and everything is just fine.

A lot of documentaries had featured
taong grasa and beggars and people who have watched it have different response. It can be pity, or yuckiness. They may be a lot more different from us but they are in this world because of us.

Taong Grasa, whether we like it or not, is the real picture of our society nowadays. We can't just hide them and pretend that they do not exist. They are the mere reflection of our lives.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Society is Anti-ME

"I’m not anti-social society is anti me!" most of us think that this simple quote is nothing, just a plain t-shirt statement, (well, I do love t-shirt statements!) right? Well, think again! This statement does make sense to me.

We grew up in this society where most of us are already acquainted with the term "social class". Social class, which means there’s always one above and one at the bottom.

It’s intelligence over stupid ones, civilized over uncivilized, wealthy over the poor ones and the strong over the weak ones..

It’s the cruel truth and no matter how hard you convince yourself that there isn’t an existing class…there is…

You could see it almost everyday, every time and everywhere. This society we lived in is like a wild jungle, a battle arena. It’s retaliation: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, the survival of the fittest, everyone must be fit to be tied..

You could see how the rich ones crushed the poor ones with their money, the educated ones took over the stupid ones, the strong ones frightened the weaker ones..

You can’t blame those people walking out in the streets fighting for a cause, that the ruling class shouldn’t always take over the people at the bottom, that it’s not for forever that they would steeped on the people that come their way.

It’s fighting for what you believe in, stand up for your principle (i’ve learned this from my father (~.^) ) and doing what is right..

When you ponder about these certain issues in our society, you can’t help but to be anti-social because the society makes you so. In return you will look like a threat to them..

In the end, there would be no anti-society if we learn to accept one another, the existence of one another..We are here because they are there and vice-versa..(~.^)


Cry a little

we wash our faces to clean it from all the dirt and dust of the day, we took a bath to freshen up our body. Then, what do we do to cleanse our very own being. Our soul?

We pray, that’s the most important thing to do, we do good so it will come around; the law of karma and anything else that would make our mind and soul in serenity.

Aside from praying and doing good (sometimes) I cry..Yeah! I cry, letting my tears flow freely, wetting my cheeks. They say your eyes are the window to your very own soul and you must clean those windows. So you must cry..

Since birth and up to now I’ve been a certified cry baby. I cry almost every night when I was a baby and I was a real headache to my parents before. I cry that I could hardly breathe anymore. Talk about a real headache to your parents. Still now I cry. I cry because I’m mad, when i get irritated, when I’m afraid, when things just get out of control, I just cry. My mother usually scolds me because I cry when I failed to accomplish something. she would tell me that," You cry too much, you’re too soft hearted, where would that lead you!" a little thing only and then poof! You cry!" I just can help it to be that way. When i cry it’s my shock absorber or my outlet to let things all out that’s a burden inside me. To let all the pain I keep inside and madness out.

One thing I could be proud of is that I seldom cry in front of anyone or sometimes not at all anymore. Luckily, I notice that I’m getting to be a tough girl, now! (^.~)

Still, I cry. Sometimes every night, but no one knows, only God, me and my lifeless pillow. I cry because I’m disturbed about everything, I’m hurt, I’m touched of a certain movie I’ve watched or book that I’ve read, I cry because I’m just too tired of the world and sometimes I cry out of nothing.(crazy me..) Like crying over a person who’s not worth it..Crying over him when he didn’t do cry over you..

Crying maybe is my hobby, i guess. It does cleanse my soul overnight and I feel so fresh and reborn.

Like the late Pope John Paul II said that it’s better to cry when you get mad than say angry words that might hurt someone but instead let your tears cleanse your heart and soul..


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

ON Being Stupid

Sometimes I wonder what is important on being knowledgeable about our world and how does life goes along. I suddenly wish i was stupid and didn’t know anything at all about the world…because you know everything about this cruel world was so very much disturbing. I mean seeing the everyday happening in our daily news on TV, newspaper and on the radio its just nothing good happens anymore, maybe there’s a few but bad things had thrown a large shadow over the goodness of everyone. I had watched recently Forrest Gump starring Tom Hanks. It was about a man who was stupid but brought a lot inspiration to the life of different people. Forrest was a stupid man but he lives life so different, like being simple, seeing goodness through the bad things, being compassionate and learning to wait for love and finally winning it back. His was a life so simple yet so meaningful to others whom he had influence though he doesn’t seem to notice it at all. He was a stupid man with a big heart…I wish I was stupid! Being innocent again to the cruelness of the world. Living life so simple yet so happy…."-"

Lamentations 2.23.06

Time really change the way people view their life and the life ahead. I am 18 already and it seems that the sand in my life’s hourglass flows so fast…everyday seems to passed so quickly without me even knowing what had happened, what I did and whom I meet… Then the people around me they seem to be the people that i just newly met. They change a lot. A drastic change, I mean. My ate she seems so different. As if she’s not my ate anymore. She’s always with her friends and her cell phone. Like I said they seem to be very different people now. But I already knew them since then. My brother, he was seldom home. My sister, our youngest, she talk to us like she was the eldest. I didn’t know what had happened anymore. Everything else are not the same anymore…they seem to fade in front of my eyes. Like the wind that blows. I wish, I suddenly wish i was a child again that i never get to the age of 18..i really hate being 18…its like the song that goes like…"everybody’s changing and I don’t feel the same.." everybody seems to be a different people now but me i felt so left behind…like lost in the year that was…(’+')

Posted February 23, 2006

Let Go Of That Balloon

You could tell that a kid will surely cry if you took away his beautiful balloon or the kid accidentally let it slipped off his little hands. It’s like love; such a beautiful feeling yet there will come a time that you will have to let go of it or it will go away from you...Yes you would cry and the tears it will give you will be more painful than that of a kid losing his balloon..

We walked into this life, seeing how love blossomed into wonderful garden of fragrant flowers, a fine weather during the spring morning or that summer day, a carnival of fun and excitement. Then we could see love like a raging storm in the dark clouded sky, a starless evening sky, a cold blew of the wind. All of the feelings that love brought me, letting go of that balloon was always the hardest part..

I was always in love with the wrong guy or my love always got me wrong. I do fell in love but I really haven’t got a single boyfriend. Mine was a secret love, waiting to be revealed and at last I did with Turon (let’s give him that alias..)..The first one was kept secret but with Turon I finally let it out in the open and in short he knew it. Still, it was really painful to have a love that would never really bounce back or floats like the balloon. In short Turon didn’t love me back..

Love really made me out of my way; doing everything just to make Turon see me, hear me and feel me but love always made me realized that it’s no luck for me. Still, sometimes; as love was always unpredictable, I’d find myself still hoping and dreaming that one day this love i have for him would come true though we were already far from each other. I already drained my eyes from my tears of hopelessness...

Every waking day was just a change of everything, I learned that I really need to let go; but I know deep inside I don’t know how… I got the balloon, it attracted me so much and i haven’t let it slip off my eager hands. Then my balloon was slowly losing its air without even having the taste of floating freely up the sky. It’s slowly shattering my dream of getting a hold of it and still not losing the beauty i was attracted to.

Sometimes I hate when love doesn’t work for me like I have always dreamed of or day dreamed of. Then as they say there’s no rule that every love you give it must be reciprocated. In time you really have to let go and I need the feeling i have for Turon to be set free and let him go..It would never be a hard thing for his part for he’s just flattered all along...(Or maybe not for i’m not pretty enough for him.) But for me it would be the hardest part of all. Stop myself from holding on for there’s nothing to be holding me still...

The balloon was slowly slipping off from my hand but I was still holding on tight to the end of its string..Yup! I’m still hopeful (or hopeless...) But then I know god would help me make it through and my balloon would finally be set free and float freely in the air. I would finally let go of the balloon which was my love for Turon all along..

(Re-posting. Originally posted September 21, 2006)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Of The Pain of First Love

Fool or Friend

Friendship is only you can offer

Even though we’re always together

For you, I’m only a joker

But for me, you’re my lover

For me, you are my light

That brightens up my dim sight

For you, I’m also your light

But not that bright

Now we’re on different ways

I just can’t go on each day

Thinking your now away

How I wish you could stay

Am I just a fool to hide

These feelings I have inside

For I know you’ll never be mine

No matter how hard I tried

Or maybe I’m afraid to try

To say my love to a guy

Now I’m left here to cry

When will my tears going to dry?

I wish we’re not friends

So the message of love can be send

I wish we’re not friends

So that no heartaches can be mend

I wish there’ll come a day

That will meet on the same way

I wish there’ll come a day

That you’ll feel the same way

Shots. Shots. Shots.

This is my first try doing a not-so official pictorial.
I just use the cellphone camera of my friend.

In fact,he is my model. Christopher Allen Banaag.
(You are going to be famous because of this.)

It's his wardrobe and my styling acts (that comes with a lot of laugh and scolding, ahaha)

Shot whenever and wherever we wanted to..

And here goes, my steeping stone to get that SLR that I wanted and be a photographer.. I CAN BE ONE>>^_^

PHINE the Photographer..=)

Monday, February 22, 2010

A Transformed Me.

My friend said since he met I have been transformed...

From a girl with a loser bangs sipping her Starbucks..

Went on to become a Boho Chic..=O

Put on some contacts against her big brown eyes

And ended up no more a wall flower..
He said I must stay fierce..
And being fierce I will stay..

A New Day Like Today

Sometimes you wake up to an ordinary day. Everything is so random that you find it so tiring and boring already. It is like you need to do it because those are the things you did yesterday. But then,what if one day you want it to be extraordinary. You want something new from it. Just to be different and see the world out of your random environment.

I think I am like that. I get to be used with one thing that I learn to cope with it but there will come a time that I need to take a break from it. That in a snap I want to get out of it and find something else. I do not why I am like this. Maybe because I am still finding what I really want in my life. With this kind of scenario in my life I think I have learned to take a risk for there is nothing to lose. Why would you stick to something that does not make you happy anymore, right?

As I say I'm someone who can learn to love,like and hate things in the process. I do not really judge something just because someone said that it is not good for you. I am also that someone that no matter how hard you force me to something, if i resent it already, that is the end of the line for me.

Sometimes I told myself that I'm contented with what I have today but I think I might be just fooling myself on saying that. No one is really contented with life unless they find what they are looking for. Until,they settled for what they think is the best situation for them.

And so goes, the undying question of: What do I want in life?

It is a very tricky question. So I am fickle-minded person (like every girls are). Am I too late for my age to keep asking myself this question? ( I am 22).

NOTE: I'll try to blog everyday nah..=D

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Inside a cold dark cell

I feel like i was just thrown in cold dark cell for a crime i have never committed. That suddenly I am in a world full of strangers when no one can reach out for me. Its like everybody's wearing a mask and I don't know who is for real. I'm yet to see what is out there but then I'm already knew I have reached the dead end.

I know with this kind of world I am in, I will never be the old me again. Just when I though that moving away will be good but it is not. You might think it's childish and too immature but I know it's not really good to be taken away from the things you used to have, to persons you used to know and to the world you used to lived. I hate changes and especially if its getting you nowhere. There is really nothing to see but a cold dark cell.

I know I will never be the same again..