Sunday, June 27, 2010


Do I love from behind? Am I scared of falling in love? All I know is I am not. For even though, I know that it may lead me to Heartbreak Boulevard I still walk along the path of love.

I was never scared though I take the pain alone; I was not frightened to love. My friend told me I was loving again from behind. He said I was hurting myself again. I laughed sarcastically and said I am a masochist. Suddenly, I was teary-eyed....

If all the guys whom I loved from behind only knew, they would know how lucky they are to feel my love. Still, nobody cares and most of the time they choose to ignore it. I guess I always fell for the wrong person or for the wrong moment of time. I never regret it anyway.This is the love I chose to have and this is the pain I chose to endure. It is just that it is only I that I who feels everything and anything. I think there is nothing wrong with that. When you knew you from the start it will lead you nowhere, you choose to love from behind. Silently but full of actions. I just make them feel me no matter how they chose to ignore it. I think I am used to that. Maybe that is why I do not picture myself on dreaming of walking down the aisle.

Like when my Papa told me that someday when I met a guy, he should be worth it, and I just went, "I am not going to marry, I'm just going to get myself pregnant and have a baby on my own". Papa blurted, "Gago!". I think every father wants their daughter to be happy with a man someday like how they made their daughters happy. My Papa just wanted to see me happy in a way. But right now, I am happy that I have two men in my life who would never hurt me; my Papa and Dodick.

My friend told me to stop loving from behind because I am hurting myself. I told him that was easy of him to say because I am not like him. Like him, who has never felt rejection before. I think everyone loves him. Easy for him to say, because no one would say no to him . I only wish I can be like him. I have earned the courage before of telling someone I loved but only earn rejection but still that never gave me a stop to love and feel love.

It is never right to surrender your faith in love just because you are scared or you are hurt. It is never right to feel exhaustion in love though it gives you the bleakest of hope, you should have faith in someday. You will never know that somewhere, somehow along the way someday may bring your someone...Your somebody to love...

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