Thursday, March 25, 2010

Certified 'Uto-Uto'

I love taking care of other people. That is my innate characteristic. It always felt good on being there for someone and knowing that you make them happy. I love the feeling that when nobody else cannot do it for them you are the one who is sticking up with them. Even if it means that you left something or somebody just to be with them.

I am like this because I grew up in a family where my parents are always there for me. During my school years, I am always fetch up at school. I always have breakfast ready before going to school. My things are always clean up and ready. I feel so lucky even though we're not that rich, I am wealthy with love and affection. Though our family is not that vocal on saying "i love yous", we get to feel it in every way we are taken care of.

Maybe that is the reason why, I grew up taking care of everyone. As young as eleven years old, I get to baby sit our neighbor's kid. I love taking care of kids. They are the most truthful person in the world. They can cry and laugh with you. You play with them and they feel good already, they have the simplest and most innocent meaning of happiness. I grew up in a neighborhood wherein almost all the kids were taken care by me and my eldest sister.

As I grew older, I still love taking care of kids but then I get to take care of people of my age. My circle of friends. I observed that they look up to me as mother-like. Hahaha..=D. I always volunteer to be the one doing this and that. Though knowing that they can do it more than me. I am the leader who does not give much to my members. I am the leader and follower in one. Again I take care of everything else. It felt good anyways, knowing that your hard work paved the way and everyone in your crowd gets the credit also. Sometimes they get the credit not you but you know in yourself that you are part of it.

Here comes the part, that my mother made me realize that I am a
'certified uto-uto'.

It was an incident back in grade school that one of my classmates wanted me to accompany her to the jeep stop so she can go home. When I said no, she took my umbrella so I can follow her. I still did not follow her. When I told my Mama about it, she scolded me on being such a weak person. The next day she accompanied me to school and scolded my classmate. I got back mu umbrella then. My Mom always back me up.

Can I call myself gullible? Or how do you say 'uto-uto' in English? Sometimes I also call myself 'kaladkarin'. My friends get to dragged me anywhere and anytime with them.

In high school, I was a constant company of all my girl classmates to the washroom. When someone declines to accompany someone to go somewhere I'm gonna be the next option. Most of the time the first option. This continued up to college.

I cannot say "no" to them (27 Dresses mode). Or I just don't want to say no because I might disappoint them and they will say something bad about me.

This would be my problem. I cannot say 'NO'. A big, hell of a 'NO' so they can see that I also need someone to be there for me.

The bad thing of not being able to say 'NO' is knowing that no one can say 'YES' to you.

It felt good to be needed though less appreciated but it's painful that you cannot need them.

Nevertheless, I still wanted to be a certified uto-uto or kaladkarin.

Because of this I could expect a crowd of people crying during my funeral...


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