Monday, January 11, 2010
Its a Suicide
Death is but another great journey. So maybe that's why, some people take their own lives. They want to explore the journey or maybe just get away from something. But why is there a need to escape and take our own life in the process? Sometimes, I myself thought of escaping the real world and just drift on to the next life. In this cruel world that we live in, where hopelessness and pain is everywhere, suicide is the only answer to end their suffering. The shocking truth is teenagers, about 13.4 percent of them had thought about suicide and 25 percent of them had attempted to do it. I was about 18 when the thought popped inside my head. It was a rainy afternoon and was alone in our house. The other day there was a huge argument between Mama and Ate and Papa. The past few days since we moved in to a new neighborhood, there is never a day that they would argue about money, our house or about not being able to send us to school any more. Though I was alone that rainy afternoon, I could still hear their voices and it would send me to tears. My eyes came upon the door of our bathroom slightly ajar. 9.6% of suicides felt really hopeless about the future while 9.9% felt depressed about life in general. Me? Maybe, I'm both at that moment in my life. Anyways, when you do feel depressed about life in general it also goes without saying that you are being hopeless of your future. I walked up to our bathroom and sat on the toilet bowl. It's raining and our bathroom was as cold as the rain. Questions started to invade my mind suddenly. How should I die? How should I kill myself? Should I slash my wrist? But then slashing it would be really painful and too bloody. Hanging would exert much effort on my part. I need to find a rope and tie it up to our ceiling. If I jumped off a building, it's not possible since there's no building near us. There is a bridge near us but the river is too dirty and murky to jump into. I don't want to drown. I'm scared of drowning. Now thinking about those gruesome effects of me attempting a suicide, makes the thought of it in a blur. I heard a knock at the door. It was my sister. She got home from school already. Slowly my suicidal attempt fades away. Then it was gone. How can I take my life when I'm scared of merely hurting myself? And besides when I die, my family would spend so much money for my funeral. I only have a song prepared to be played on the day I die. I was 18 then, today Ia am already 22, but according to survey an average of 16 years old had attempted suicide. Today, I think most of the people thought of committing suicide once in their life. It's just a matter of pursuing it or giving it up. Maybe most of then also wanted to commit suicide inside a bathroom or in their own bedroom. And if I died already, I won't be able to share these facts I had concluded myself, isn't it? As much as we think that there is escape and solution in death, there is also in life. It's just sometimes or most of the times we don't see it because this life we had is to harsh and cruel. But you know everyone as well as everything around us has innate kindness in them. We just have to search more deeper far more than the surface. In death, there is beauty but doing a shortcut might short lived the great journey ahead.