Monday, January 9, 2012


I started to wonder, when I leave, does anybody even look back at me? Do they even think of looking back just to see who is looking as they leave?

I was always the one looking back, even though they say that is bad luck. I think that was a voluntary move of me when someone walks away or leave. Maybe because when I look back I would find that there would be someone also looking back at me. But the thing is that when I look back there is no one looking back at me. They were already gone. Far away. I was just there standing still waiting for them to look back at me. Oftentimes, I just saw myself like that.

I am going to be always looking back; looking back to the people, to the places and to the times that had gone by. It is true what they say that when you know how to look back you always know who you really are. You will find what you are meant to be. I learned that as I look back this year of 2011, I even realized that it is not only how other people see you but how you see yourself when you are with them. I was conscious most of the time on how people perceived me to be. I was most of the time paranoid. What if what I was saying does not make sense to them? What if I was already hurting them or saying something offensive?

But eventually I learn to see my reflection on other people's eyes. How do I see me as I go along with them? I get to observe myself if I was really being true to the people around me. And there I saw my reflection . I saw how I struggle to fit it and be true to myself. One friend observed how I was not afraid to speak out my mind at all. Sometimes I think I became a mean person or I was being so blunt most of the times now. But in the end I was just being true. I was braver this time on speaking my mind when before I was always the quiet and timid one.

I finally found the right people and environment that I can reflect my true self. I was able to look back and see those persons also looking back at me. I was able to see a clear reflection of myself from someone I was able to trust. Though sometimes it is the wrong place, it really doesn't matter as long as I am seeing the right reflection on the right people.

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