It is like my coffee. Most of my friends find it amazing how I can drink such a bitter coffee. The ones that you buy on vending machines which only has a creamer on it. They say it is too bitter but I find the blend perfect for my coffee. Anyways, that is how a coffee should always taste right? Bitter. You won't say you are drinking coffee unless it is bitter. But my coffee has its own sweetness because of the creamer, only a tinge of it though. So that is my coffee.
It is bittersweet as I may say. My life is like my bittersweet coffee. But I am scared that I see my life as too bitter nowadays. It’s not that good to see your life as much bitter than it being sweeter. In a moment I was this hopeful little child. Planning and seeing things my way. Hoping that it will come to life as I wanted it to be. So that's my taste of the sweet part.
Then I put some bitterness in it by myself. As I am giddy of the hoping part, I also get myself ready to the end of being disappointed. It is like being hopeful but not really into it totally. Like it is you who is raining on your own parade. Like ruining your own party. I don't know. It is not that I am scared to get hurt or disappointed its just that as early as I can I conditioned myself that these things I hope for will not happen. I am used to this. I am good at this, dealing with such kind of disappointment and getting nothing. I am a dreamer in all sense and I am also good in escaping in every nightmare. I am used to ghosts, goblins and monsters getting in my fairytale that sometimes it doesn't seem a fairytale anymore.
My coffee is now a black one. The creamer was kept stagnant at the bottom of my cup. I don't have the energy to stir so it would blend with my bitterness. I love my coffee but not really liking it these past few days. But what can my bittersweet coffee do? Bitter, that's what I'd become.
Sometimes the creamer goes to the surface of my coffee, with a little shaking.In an instant as I drink my coffee I got to taste its sweetness. I was surprised. Life suddenly gives me a thrill. It amazes me. As I gave up on tasting its sweetness,there it goes on my last sip.
Well, my life is really surprising in a way. It helps that if you are used to being bitter, the welcoming taste of sweetness always come as fresh thing. You got to savor it up to the very last drop. Maybe life doesn't want me to be bitter at all. My coffee doesn't want me to give up on drinking it. Maybe its scared that I would distaste it forever. I still love being bittersweet. I got to taste the best and the worst of both worlds.
Surprisingly bitter and surprisingly sweet, I guess that is how life is going to be as always. We all just have to deal with it. Life is as bittersweet as my coffee and most of the times is always on the bitter side.
I can say I have bittersweet love affair with life. Expectations and disappointments. Surprises and sweetness. Just pour me another cup and I'll drink it.