Sunday, August 28, 2011

I Forget to Remember

I think the most painful thing to feel is the moment of being forgotten. In a snap you no longer exist in someone's world. It is the feeling even the dead ones who no longer walk the earth dread. When someone no longer cares and ignores you totally. Like for some who has been so familiar, you suddenly become a stranger. What if you only had known a world where that person has exist for a long time? When everyday, you go one because that someone was there. But then the world decided to turn the other way. The world you known have suddenly thrown you out of the picture. You become an alien. You are expatriated.

Luckily, as for my life no one has yet to forget me. Maybe someone already did. Maybe I am forgettable. As they always say there are some things that were meant to be forgotten. But for someone who choose to remember everything forgetting would be difficult and it is painful not to be remembered anymore by someone. I see random strangers every day, and I was blessed by the gift to remember faces. I am also good at names. I think I can still recognize a classmate back in kindergarten days when I bumped into them. Isn't that great? But then gain it is not always that great of a situation.

To remember is not always with a person, it would also mean events and the memories you had learn to cherish. It is sad when the moments you had kept will out of sudden be a hazy memory of the past. Fading away in time. Then you become the history, you lose control of the world you walk on. I am frightened when the life I remember I control will abruptly forget me and change everything I have lived for.

So I was really sad, like my heart could not believe it is really happening. My family is telling us to forget all we had and remember a new world. I cannot believe that I was scolding my parents the way they were scolding us back when we were just kids. It is my parents that were being childish and us, their children are being parental. As a family, we had been through a lot more than a normal family can tolerate. To even think of forgetting what we had is too much for me to bear. I cannot do that, but maybe there are times we must (again).

And even if they do choose to forget, I will choose to remember. Even if to remember is not always a blessing. But this is my gift. I will remember even if time chooses to erase me from someone. Or even if someone chooses to forget me. My heart will remember and will endure the pain of the memory of being forgotten.

I have always known that I am boring and forgettable. But I will try to exist; if not for someone's life but in the memory of this life I have. I will be around with time who endures the passing of every memories. If no one will, I would...

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