Tuesday, October 18, 2011
There are times I found myself sighing. Staring at nothing in particular. Suddenly, I felt tired. I realized I'd been busy with things I thought will make me happy. That I thought its all I ever wanted. But life made a sudden turn.
Life showed me I was with the wrong people and place. Every time I try to fit myself in I feel like I'm hurting myself. As much as I would like to stay. I was just being pushed away. I did all the best that I can do. I gave everything that I have but it seems that it is not enough. I don't want to feel tired. Be called a coward because I chose to give up. But I drown in my tears alone. Tried with my own effort and it led me to nowhere. I have no options left but to leave.
But does leaving will make any difference? Am I not going to be haunted with all of these memories? But this is the part where I should run away now. The happiness I long to keep and fought so hard was now eaten by the pain.
So I will run exhaust every energy that I have by running. I will run just to escape the pain. Hoping that you'll come running after me. I was torn between looking back just to see who is behind and staring ahead to see if I will came upon something.But I know that hope would not change the fact that we have reached the end. Hope would not bring us back together.
I did run and I was alone. I carry the burden of the pain. I rewind every memories that just kept dragging me back to the days I can no longer have. I cry hoping you are crying for me too. I let myself be eaten up by the sadness. Still longing for someone that I know will never be mine. I know I was stupid. You can call me crazy then. But just so you know, I run because it is the only way that can save me from this misery. I am sorry I need to escape. I need t do you a favor. I will love myself because we both know this is something you can never do.
And in running away, I found solace in pain. I was numb by the sadness. The tears I cried refreshed my shattered soul. I was loving myself on the way to the finish line.
*with Tatay Martin=D