Friday, December 21, 2012

Escape to an End

When I was 16, I thought of escaping the world. It is not a suicidal attempt of mine. I am too young to think of dying. What I mean is to escape from the cruel world and have peace in the confines of a convent. I thought of becoming a nun. I was 16 and a lot of my friends were excited for college. I was so scared of the world out there and I wanted to escape. It is a lot different from being in high school and going to be a mature person at once. But my escape did not push through, though I have asked a lot of signs to pursue my flight to being a nun. So I chose to face the cruel world and then suddenly my journey to life will be cut short because they say the world will end today.

Earlier this week, I was contemplating about the fact that what if the world will really end today. I was suddenly overwhelmed by sadness; not fear. I know all of us will come to meet our own ending but to know the end will come sooner than we thought is nerve-racking. Mostly, we feel scared about the end because we are not ready for it and there are still a lot of things we want to do. Some may look back in the years that had passed and taste the bitterness of regret. Some may be brave enough to face the end and will just celebrate the remaining hours of their lives. For me, I felt like crying and I do not know why. I am not scared of dying or facing the end. I was just hit by the sadness of being totally forgotten and erased in this world we have lived in. I was hit by sorrow on knowing that I will no longer be (even) a memory in this world. No one will be left to remember and appreciate the life I have lived with the people I loved and met along the way.

It is easy to die first and still knowing that people you loved and the people around you can still move along through life. It is good way to die knowing your memory will be kept in the hearts of the people you have learned to cherish in your life. It is beyond melancholy, knowing that as the world end we are but dust in the wind to nothingness. I am sad for the feeling that I am not a good influence to other people and made a difference in their lives. And if the world ends today, I hope as we take our last breath we are able to relive in our minds and cherish in our hearts those people who had made a great impact in our lives. It might be too late to reach out to them; call or maybe text them so to let them know. But being able to keep them and remember them in our mind and in our hearts is a good way to go.

Maybe as we scatter into nothingness we could still feel the warmth of each other. The feelings and memories we had shared for them and with this world. Maybe there is really no escape or shortcut to another way. All of us will come to an end, and it may not be really for today. It is of great feeling that we choose to go along and bravely face the end celebrating and appreciating the life we are living right now.

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