Saturday, June 16, 2012


I am the one who hoards everything that seem to be of value to me. Everything that has significance. Even if it is worn down by time and mold because I have kept it for a long time. I will try to fix it. I always thought that everything is worth keeping like how you keep a friend. It is like a toy that has been with you for a long time. It is like the memories and the times you have shared with it that makes it worth keeping. It is just very much how you keep and save a friendship. 

I never thought of bad things to someone. As some of my friends tell me, I always see the god side to everyone even if no one seems to notice it. I know that someone has their reason why they end up like that or why they choose to be that way. I am not saying that I am nice in every way. I got a taste of my own shortcomings and wickedness. I tend to fix and save myself from it. And because of that I see every weak person as a broken toy to be fixed. I am the one who believes that eventually that someone might get influence that I brushed on them. For my boring kindness to be rubbed upon their exciting actions. I got the taste of a million expectations that ends in disappointment. I got the feeling of a million hopeful wishes that were shattered in vain. I got the pain and the tears of giving up and being scared of regret when I thought of surrendering but in the end I still did not. Like a child with innocent hopes, I tend to cling on the thin line of hope that someday, that someone can be fixed. And in the end, I can finally say that I did a wonderful job and all my sacrifices are worth it. 

But through all these struggles of fixing someone I have come to a conclusion that not everyone can be fixed. Like a good 'ole broken toy it will eventually be left at a corner and accumulate dust through time. But again that does not mean that I easily surrender. Not everyone can be fixed by someone if they do not want to fix themselves. So I did what I do best; accept and understand. I learned to keep it together. Even keep it forever for myself if not for them. I am still going to believe and by keeping the bond I tend to cherish the hardships that made me more of a person that I should be in this life. I keep myself for I was the one who accepts and does not know how to give up. 

Through the hoping in vain and expecting disappointments I know I would never stop trusting in everyone else innate kindness. It would not even make my hope falter a bit. It is just a matter of how they make themselves worthy of my faith on them. Those who walk away not proving anything are cowards. Those who wasted the effort and time of a friend are going to be regretful.

I know how lovely is the feeling of being a trusted friend and people believing to keep a friendship with you. I did not know how many times my heart was touched and enamored by the feeling of this amazing bond. I know the stomachaches and teary eyes from the almost non-stop laughs shared with them. I will always feel the lingering warmth of hugs and kisses for the comfort and you knowing that someone is there for you no matter what. And even if someone leaves, I know I will keep them in my heart. Or even if someone ends it, I know there would be those ones who will stay for forever. 

If it is worth fixing, I know it is worth keeping it. And if it is worth keeping it then it is definitely worth saving.

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