Monday, May 14, 2012

Road to Martyrdom

I was the one who gives and seldom ask something in return. Then, I finally got the feeling of hoping to be help for but came back in the end helpless. I felt the moment when someone else turns their back on you. I usually do get those moments but this is the time that I really need help but got nothing. I do not get mad or try to get even with this kind of situation. Most likely on a typical human nature we try to get on the safe side by not giving too much or just by trying to get revenge on those people who turned their backs on us. I have learned to get by on my own most of the time but there would come a time we would need something from someone; so we seek help. I am not the one who is scared of asking for help if I really need one and so I did but was in vain.

 As I said I got to understand and accept that there might be something worth more important than my need. But I found myself crying, for the unfairness and my stupidity. Some people say I am too good to be true but most of the times people regard me as a martyr. I am a giver in all sense: to whatever smallest thing that I have that can help someone I would give it wholeheartedly without hesitation. I am not born wealthy, I just know the feeling of having nothing from having something and being able to share it with other people. One friend even told me that martyrs get killed. But unlike me and the rest of other martyrs out there; we are unsung. We are left in the dark by those ungrateful people. I sound like I am angry right now but I am not. I am just heartbroken and disappointed (most of the time I am disappointed). Maybe then it was my fault people took me for granted because I let them do this to me and just continue to be meek and quiet. But I really cannot afford to be angry because it will just lead me to regrets and waste of time. Anyway, I believe in the power of karma. It will eventually come around and be in my favor.

It is just sad that a simple thank you is thrown a little bit too much now and has lost its rightful meaning. There are just those real people who are born thick-skinned or just use gratitude for the sake of using it. It is so difficult to believe in what is real and to feel what kindness is when some people are just so ridiculously unbelievable in a bad way. In a world where we meet a variety of personalities that gives us a confusion of emotions we sometimes give up on believing in humanity already. I cannot give up even if they say martyrs get killed and would just die in vain. I just keep my faith like I always did. I do can get my on my own but it sometimes is wonderful for a heart that hopes to have someone who can fully appreciate a martyr like me.

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