A Time

Sometimes there is a real need to give time to yourself. A time to ponder on things you have done and will be able to do for yourself. Sometimes you just have to let it go and be who you want to be.

I always came to a point that suddenly I do not know what I want anymore. Wherein, I was suddenly clueless, why I was here or what I am doing here. I lost purpose and the dreadful thing is I lost all the will to continue. It is like crossroads, you remember you chose this path but you cannot remember anymore why you did in the first place. I do sometimes think that I am sick in the head or in the heart. I know for the fact that I was not making the right choices and the right things yet I still continue not knowing that it will destroy me in the end.

I know I have to run away to somewhere where I can only think of nothing but myself and be selfish for one time or maybe for a long time for my own good. It’s not that bad that for one you have to earn something for yourself that no one can take away. Maybe the prides that I have always have struggled to have and save so I won’t think little of myself.

I want to runaway. I remember when I was just kid, there was an instance that I suddenly packed some of my clothes in a plastic bag and planned to run away that night. I just got a good scold from my mother. I was awake all night and was waiting for the time when everybody is fast asleep and I can sneak out to the outside world. But I was never out the door, until now I was safely in the inside waiting for the outside to come and fetch me. Just to see what it’s like to be out there. Free to runaway and be myself alone.