The Mistress (Movie Review)

                                              “Hindi dahil gusto mo makukuha mo.”

Once again the unbeatable chemistry of the love team Bea-John Lloyd drenched our hankies and dried our tear ducts in Star Cinema’s 10th year anniversary offering. The Mistress gave a different dose on what we expect of true love and happy endings.

The story evolves on the intertwined lives and loves of the characters. Sari (Bea Alonzo) who is devoted in helping her family is the secret lover of Rico (Ronaldo Valdez) while his wife Regina (Hilda Koronel) becomes a drunkard because of one mistake she did that resulted to a son born from another man; JD (John Lloyd Cruz) who is then determine to take revenge on his father’s woman but ended up falling in love with her. Each character that we met in this movie would not be remarkable without the other.

I was endowed to Regina’s character, who struggles for her husband’s attention and forgiveness because of one mistake of bearing a child from her lover. In return, her husband kept on punishing her by carrying on with a string of mistresses but she knew very well that her husband would always come back to her eventually. This shows the bitter truth that if a woman made a mistake by taking in a lover she would be marred by it for the rest of her life but when a man takes on a mistress it was not a mistake but an accepted reality. Then there is Rico, a successful man trying to find a love that faithfully adores him which he found in Sari when he himself cannot seem to be loyal enough with his own wife. Sari was a tough woman with an enduring heart. She was your typical Filipina daughter that bears the responsibility for her family and even vowed never to get married. She was the woman who is always ready to take care for someone else and totally forgetting about her own happiness. She eventually finds a love that cares for her in Rico. And then we have JD, a son who was behind the shadows of his deceased half-brother and begged for his father’s love though he hates his womanizing activities that drew his mother into being an alcoholic. He soon found out who was his father’s mistress and vowed to seek revenge for his mother. But alas, love came as they least expect it and complicate matters.


This is a love story that does not give you butterflies in the stomach and excites you with 'kilig' moments. This is a love story that tells you that not everything you ever wanted will always come your way as Sari said in the movie. But JD's side believes that there would always be a way to get what you want if you really do want it. Then again, this love story will not give you the resolution you have been hoping for in the end. Their love story gives us the realization that when love is true it endures and sacrifices. No matter how you love or who you love it will always teach you that love sacrifices. No matter how long you have hoped for or no matter how much you wanted to be with each other, there will come a time that you would have to sacrifice. If not for the both of you, it would be for the betterment of the people around you. In the end, the movie leaves the decision to its audiences. How you see the ending will show how much are you willing to take or sacrifice for love?

Void

I often find myself thinking over something a little too much. I tend to over analyze and end up confusing my own mind. So when I started looking from afar and went blank, I felt scared. I do not feel normal. I know there is something wrong. It is not bleak or confusing at all, my mind just went blank even my feelings.

To be hollow is too deep a word. It is also way too much frightening to feel vacant in some part of my life. It is still normal to feel the emptiness. When suddenly the random thing you are so familiar with felt exhausting. But really, it is not exhausting but it just seems meaningless. There was this one night that I found myself crying because of one question that I do not have the answer. They say I always know about certain things. They are wrong. There is one query that always sends me to tears or just put me into mum mode. I was trying to evade that question. Luckily, there are not too much people who had asked me that question. Well, maybe I do not look the type who needs to answer that question. The truth is I am scared because I do not have an answer myself.

The question is: what is it that you really want in life? I feel like I am the most stupid person in the world because I cannot answer that question. I would love to answer it but I know at the back of my mind it is far from the reality of me. I know I would be a hypocrite if I do not want something in life. I really have a lot in my mind and so let me just spill it out. I would really love to have a DSLR camera and took pictures about anything. I would love to explore London and Paris. I would love to learn to speak French. I also loved to get a second degree, maybe International Studies or Literature or Foreign Languages. I would also love to join a cause and be a proud crusader of maybe the environment, social awareness or something that I can offer my help. I can also include some ridiculous dreams when I was a child. I wanted to learn ballet, or be a figure skater; be a pianist or a gymnast. So you can forget the dreams because that was a fruit of some childish dreams. It is a far cry from where I am now.

I know it is wrong to blame life or what I am in the society if I was finding it hard to get what I want in life. I can never blame my family for being poor and just giving me what will suffice for me and my siblings. At a young age, I have learned to be contented and bear in my mind that not all that I want in life is what I will need. My parents instill in me that what you need will be enough and sacrificing what you really want for the better. But here comes the emptiness. There is always the satisfaction that cannot be filled by just a mere need. Human being will always want something or anything. Some lose their way and fail at the end because they seek their wants on a wrong road and on a wrong purpose. A want can be a need if we only know how to keep our heart and mind glued to what really matters. I maybe sounding like a preacher right now or a self-righteous person but I know I am also weak. There are a lot of times that I want to be selfish and just what I want. But my life is not always easy like the others. I know how it is sacrifice and let your happiness set aside so others can be happy. I do not always have the easy way.

And yes, because of what I want being set aside I feel so empty and void about my life.  I was always asking myself if this would do and gratify my wants. The answer was right in front of me all along. Again I may sound pompous. The void that I encounter was there because I failed to make myself happy with what I do best; being a good daughter, a sister and a friend. The void was swallowing me for I feel I have not done my part with the people around me. It may sound annoying to just stay nice but this is me and I am good at it. This I what fulfill my being. Eventually, what I want will come to me in God’s time. As they all good things come to those who wait. And a void will be there so it can be filled up.

Silence Loves a Loner

You can find her at the solitude table eating her packed lunch alone. There she is at her spot busy doodling when all other persons around her were busy chatting and laughing. Amidst the raucous and rowdy surrounding, the ghost of silence was drawn to her. It sits unknowingly on her shoulder and found solace at the girl. A girl whom awhile ago was accused as a loner. 

So the loner in me finally found someone whom I can attract and be drawn to me. I don’t know but suddenly I felt like I found my old self again. My old self whom I loved the most but was lost because I was trying to be more with the world I was in. But, then again out of nowhere when someone shouted and called me a loner, I felt like having amnesia and was healed when I heard that word. I came to know again that this is the very soul of me. 

Ever since, I was young my teachers would have the same repetitious comments on my report card; timid, shy, quiet and whatever adjective that can be synonymous to those three words. I do not think my parents were even bothered about it. I think they were just scared eventually as I grew up, because they think I may not be ready for the world and it might eat me up in whole. I was not the mean type of a fighter or someone who would even try to get even when being steeped on. Though sometimes my being timid and shy is like  bait to those people who have the habit of making other people's lives miserable. But sometimes my being quiet also wards them off my life and they left me alone. Maybe they realize that I am boring with fighting back.

And right now, if someone asked me if this is my weakness then indeed it is. Honestly, I was having a hard time pinpointing my strengths and weaknesses. But I came to a conclusion that my being a loner and the silent type are both my weakness and strength. As I try to battle my way and be one with the world, eventually the weakness of being a loner become my own strength. As the name calling of being a loner echoed in my ear I felt my strength. I have talk about finding solace in silence and I guess it has fell in love with me in the very first place. In the very first place that I cried on my own, felt hurt like I can no longer breathe and surrendering my pain. Silence was there to embrace me when I felt alone and ignored.  It was like an unrequited love waiting to be loved back. It is true when they say that we should not bury our roots deeply in this world. As a loner, I learned that as I tend to do that we are sooner or later; losing ourselves. It is like we pattern our lives with the way the world has to when it is not really the right way. And here I am hearing the call of silence and embracing my solitude as I know I will always have to keep up with the world where everybody is changing and influencing you. But I know I will always have silence and my loner self to save me.

You can see me eating lunch alone at a solitude table or at a corner deep in a book or just writing something. I guess I have my own world and anyone can feel free to be in mine. But I know when I felt alone my first lover; Silence would always love a Loner in me.

Fix.Keep.Save.

I am the one who hoards everything that seem to be of value to me. Everything that has significance. Even if it is worn down by time and mold because I have kept it for a long time. I will try to fix it. I always thought that everything is worth keeping like how you keep a friend. It is like a toy that has been with you for a long time. It is like the memories and the times you have shared with it that makes it worth keeping. It is just very much how you keep and save a friendship. 

I never thought of bad things to someone. As some of my friends tell me, I always see the god side to everyone even if no one seems to notice it. I know that someone has their reason why they end up like that or why they choose to be that way. I am not saying that I am nice in every way. I got a taste of my own shortcomings and wickedness. I tend to fix and save myself from it. And because of that I see every weak person as a broken toy to be fixed. I am the one who believes that eventually that someone might get influence that I brushed on them. For my boring kindness to be rubbed upon their exciting actions. I got the taste of a million expectations that ends in disappointment. I got the feeling of a million hopeful wishes that were shattered in vain. I got the pain and the tears of giving up and being scared of regret when I thought of surrendering but in the end I still did not. Like a child with innocent hopes, I tend to cling on the thin line of hope that someday, that someone can be fixed. And in the end, I can finally say that I did a wonderful job and all my sacrifices are worth it. 

But through all these struggles of fixing someone I have come to a conclusion that not everyone can be fixed. Like a good 'ole broken toy it will eventually be left at a corner and accumulate dust through time. But again that does not mean that I easily surrender. Not everyone can be fixed by someone if they do not want to fix themselves. So I did what I do best; accept and understand. I learned to keep it together. Even keep it forever for myself if not for them. I am still going to believe and by keeping the bond I tend to cherish the hardships that made me more of a person that I should be in this life. I keep myself for I was the one who accepts and does not know how to give up. 

Through the hoping in vain and expecting disappointments I know I would never stop trusting in everyone else innate kindness. It would not even make my hope falter a bit. It is just a matter of how they make themselves worthy of my faith on them. Those who walk away not proving anything are cowards. Those who wasted the effort and time of a friend are going to be regretful.

I know how lovely is the feeling of being a trusted friend and people believing to keep a friendship with you. I did not know how many times my heart was touched and enamored by the feeling of this amazing bond. I know the stomachaches and teary eyes from the almost non-stop laughs shared with them. I will always feel the lingering warmth of hugs and kisses for the comfort and you knowing that someone is there for you no matter what. And even if someone leaves, I know I will keep them in my heart. Or even if someone ends it, I know there would be those ones who will stay for forever. 

If it is worth fixing, I know it is worth keeping it. And if it is worth keeping it then it is definitely worth saving.

As Told By Ginger - And She Was Gone

She chose to walk alone.
Though others wondered why.
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.
She didn't have companions.
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were puppet strings.
She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.
She longed to be a flame.
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.
Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.
Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.
The trees, they say, stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it
Said the story played out well.
She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

Road to Martyrdom

I was the one who gives and seldom ask something in return. Then, I finally got the feeling of hoping to be help for but came back in the end helpless. I felt the moment when someone else turns their back on you. I usually do get those moments but this is the time that I really need help but got nothing. I do not get mad or try to get even with this kind of situation. Most likely on a typical human nature we try to get on the safe side by not giving too much or just by trying to get revenge on those people who turned their backs on us. I have learned to get by on my own most of the time but there would come a time we would need something from someone; so we seek help. I am not the one who is scared of asking for help if I really need one and so I did but was in vain.


 As I said I got to understand and accept that there might be something worth more important than my need. But I found myself crying, for the unfairness and my stupidity. Some people say I am too good to be true but most of the times people regard me as a martyr. I am a giver in all sense: to whatever smallest thing that I have that can help someone I would give it wholeheartedly without hesitation. I am not born wealthy, I just know the feeling of having nothing from having something and being able to share it with other people. One friend even told me that martyrs get killed. But unlike me and the rest of other martyrs out there; we are unsung. We are left in the dark by those ungrateful people. I sound like I am angry right now but I am not. I am just heartbroken and disappointed (most of the time I am disappointed). Maybe then it was my fault people took me for granted because I let them do this to me and just continue to be meek and quiet. But I really cannot afford to be angry because it will just lead me to regrets and waste of time. Anyway, I believe in the power of karma. It will eventually come around and be in my favor.


It is just sad that a simple thank you is thrown a little bit too much now and has lost its rightful meaning. There are just those real people who are born thick-skinned or just use gratitude for the sake of using it. It is so difficult to believe in what is real and to feel what kindness is when some people are just so ridiculously unbelievable in a bad way. In a world where we meet a variety of personalities that gives us a confusion of emotions we sometimes give up on believing in humanity already. I cannot give up even if they say martyrs get killed and would just die in vain. I just keep my faith like I always did. I do can get my on my own but it sometimes is wonderful for a heart that hopes to have someone who can fully appreciate a martyr like me.

A Thousand Splendid Suns (Book Review)

Women like us. We endure. It's all we have.

Moving and grips my very heart.This book already sent me to tears as I was just reading a few pages of it. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini; the title was derive from a poem by Saib-e-Tabrizi back in 17th century. Here is a line from the poem:

One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs.

Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls.

The book unfolds the story of two Afghan women; Mariam and Laila thrown into each others lives amidst their war-torn country. First we get to know the young Mariam who lives with her mother away from the prying people of the city of Herat because she was a harami (a bastard). At a young age she adored her father even though she had to share his love and affection with his three wives and ten other children. Soon, Mariam faced the sorrow of losing her mother and the realization that her father was really ashamed of her. At fifteen, she was forced to marry a troubled and bitter man; Rasheed from Kabul thirty years her senior. This man will eventually beat her and enslaved her because she was not able to give him a child. Then Mariam was forced to welcome the orphaned Laila. At the height of the unrest, Laila lost her parents and was separated from her beloved Tariq. With nothing left for her Laila decided to marry Rasheed to save her child as she believed a lie that Tariq was already dead.

Together, Mariam and Laila built a friendship that knows no blood relation and boundaries. They found solace in each other as they faced unfathomable struggle and pain of being a woman in a country consumed by war, starvation, brutality, inequality and poverty. The book shows you how a woman suffers in silence, fights for a hope so bleak, and trust in love that endures everything.

The story reflects the struggle of Afghan women to fight for their rightful in their society during the climax of war from the leaving of the Soviets to the Taliban rule and up until President Bush declared war against Osama Bin Laden. In the story, Mariam suffered the shame of being an illegitimate child. Laila was forced to give birth through Caesarian without any anesthesia in a hospital with meager facilities. Women were never allowed to travel without a man companion or else they will be beaten. They were force to wear the traditional burqa to hide their faces without any accessories. They fought with man to have equal rights but in vain. This book was dedicated to all Afghanistan women and their plight. God only knows how things right now in Afghanistan are. Surely, things might be totally different now and we can only hope that the women are not suffering like this anymore. A heart can only endure so much, anyway.

Each snowflake was a sigh heaved by an aggrieved woman somewhere in the world. All the sighs drifted up the sky, gathered into clouds, then broke into tiny pieces that fell silently on the people below. As a reminder of how women suffer.