Post Hearts

It is never too late to share some love before the love month ends. No matter how love hurts and will have us crying; we can never deny the joy and contentment it brings to humanity. So here goes the statements I had realized about Love. It does not actually need some experience but the fact that everyday and everywhere you look Love is indeed all around us.

* Love is the morning. You never really know what will the day brings you. Will it be bad or good? It is love when you wake up in the morning. It is the feeling that keeps you going.

* Love is waiting. Like when you were at the bus stop. You never knew if there is really a bus arriving or will you be able to ride on it. It is waiting by the window hoping that he would take time to notice you.

* Love is dreaming. Dreaming that you will share sweet kisses with him. That you will live together for the rest of your lives. That one day you will hear him say the words you long to hear.

* Love is taking a risk. Dare yourself to move to tell someone what you feel. It is like walking on a tight rope or walking on fire. Love is a carnival.

* Love is the adventure. Climbing the steepest hill, swimming the deepest ocean. It takes you on an adventure you have never been before. An adventure of a lifetime.

* Everyone has their own meaning of love. Love can be between two persons. Love can be for the entire human race or love can be summed up to one word: GOD.

* Love is sometimes a failure. Not making it to the finish line. It is like not passing your exam. It is like the moment you ask the question,"Do you love me?" and all you hear is a heartbreaking "NO!"

*Love is letting go. You already learned to fly so this time you need to fall on the ground. Let others fly because the sky is too crowded for you. Let that someone go because you had your time of him seeing you on his sky.

* Love is a sweet surrender. Giving yourself a pause. Giving yourself a pat on the back and saying "At least you told him". For you know you would never get to somewhere just to an empty nowhere.

* Love is selfless. It is just fine to be in pain. Just so not let others be hurt because that would make your love selfish. Accepting the fact that you can never have someone. Maybe fate does not ring a bell for you and him.

* Love is going back. Never be afraid to see who is behind you. To see who has been there all along. To accept what you had let go before.

* Love is triumph. When you finally reached the finish line. You finally touch the sky and leaned to fly again. When you know that someone will be there with you till the day fades away.

* Love is fate. No matter how long it will keep you apart as long as you're destined for each other. It is worth the wait.

* Love is heaven. You never knew how it feels to cry, to be in pain and to be hurt anymore. All you know is the loving feeling that you know will help you get through each day.

* Love is GOD. Knowing that you put God first is enough to keep you moving along. Love is from HIM who brought you and the person meant for you together.

Paradise by Coldplay

"Paradise"

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Every time she closed her eyes
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.

And dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

She dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
I know the sun must set to rise.

This could be para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
This could be para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

This could be para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Could be para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

This could be para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Could be para- para- paradise
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

Remembered...

I remembered everything. Nothing was erased. It was kept in me. It set met free. It made me weak. It got me stronger. It made me brave. It helped me carry on.

I remembered the time when I cried like a child in the middle of the night, that I could hardly breathe. I remembered waking up everyday fighting a losing battle. I was forcing my heart, squeezing every beat but it was already struggling to survive. I remembered dragging my feet to walk away from someone, making every heavy step until I can finally ran free. I never knew that I could endure that much of a pain again, and almost drying my tear ducts again. I remembered telling myself to be bitter and take all the hurt inside until my whole body felt numb.

Finally, I remembered seeing myself triumphant on overcoming that period in my life. I remembered it is not myself to be mad and held on to some grudge over the pain that will eventually subside. I remembered that forgetting is for the coward. I was able to see each day because I was able to reminisce on the old days. I was able to stand again and learn that in every pain I have dealt with, I was braver to gave it all again.

I remembered meeting new friends, real persons that I was able to speak out my mind and reflect my true feelings. I got to enjoy the long talks and silly laughs over cups of coffee. I remembered that if it is meant to be, time will lead you to the special ppeople that you are meant to share those endless laughs, bitter tears and silly antics. I remembered getting away for awhile with my precious friends and enjoy the spontaneity of life. Being able to escape and just embrace the moment I was facing. I was so happy being able to ran away somewhere else and just let loose. I forgot the uptight side of me. I got to be with different people and remembered the moment how amazed and overwhelmed I was by the feeling of being a trusted and cherished friend. I was so grateful on encountering a variety of people and still got to keep those who kept me real and grounded.

I remembered the long walks at night, the throwing of silly punchlines, the warmth of holding hands and tight hugs, and the sweet kisses. I remembered hearing out and listening through my heart. I remembered to stay as I am no matter how cruel the world gets and no matted how difficult it would be. I always knew that kindness goes a long way, that being sensitive helps broken heart and heal a weakened soul.

I will always remember even if time erases and memories gone. As people come and go, as I was left alone, I will always remember by my heart.

Reflected

I started to wonder, when I leave, does anybody even look back at me? Do they even think of looking back just to see who is looking as they leave?

I was always the one looking back, even though they say that is bad luck. I think that was a voluntary move of me when someone walks away or leave. Maybe because when I look back I would find that there would be someone also looking back at me. But the thing is that when I look back there is no one looking back at me. They were already gone. Far away. I was just there standing still waiting for them to look back at me. Oftentimes, I just saw myself like that.

I am going to be always looking back; looking back to the people, to the places and to the times that had gone by. It is true what they say that when you know how to look back you always know who you really are. You will find what you are meant to be. I learned that as I look back this year of 2011, I even realized that it is not only how other people see you but how you see yourself when you are with them. I was conscious most of the time on how people perceived me to be. I was most of the time paranoid. What if what I was saying does not make sense to them? What if I was already hurting them or saying something offensive?

But eventually I learn to see my reflection on other people's eyes. How do I see me as I go along with them? I get to observe myself if I was really being true to the people around me. And there I saw my reflection . I saw how I struggle to fit it and be true to myself. One friend observed how I was not afraid to speak out my mind at all. Sometimes I think I became a mean person or I was being so blunt most of the times now. But in the end I was just being true. I was braver this time on speaking my mind when before I was always the quiet and timid one.

I finally found the right people and environment that I can reflect my true self. I was able to look back and see those persons also looking back at me. I was able to see a clear reflection of myself from someone I was able to trust. Though sometimes it is the wrong place, it really doesn't matter as long as I am seeing the right reflection on the right people.

Hypersensitivity

I was here. But I was not supposed to be here. I do not want to be here. Yet I was here. It’s like you wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere in a place where I am with someone who was there by my side. Like I was someone else in some place that I really like and be with somebody I was meant to be.

Yet, I was here. Time tells me I was supposed to be here. I should be in this rightful place at this very moment. It's not like I have no choice. It's just that at the moment I have no place to go.No one to be with. So my feet just led me to where I was supposed to be. And eventually, I understand why I was here or why I was there. I was with this person or at this very place. It was how I escape from my somewhere and get to be with somebody's somewhere.

So there you have it, I was really escaping from something but the world is still leading me to the real deal of it all. It is like God is telling me that this; my daughter is the world you are in. It is cruel. It is amazing. It is bizarre. It is complicated. It is a kaleidoscope of everything and everyone in it. And again, I was meant to see it and understand it. Even though I try so hard to escape and believe that the world is lovely place full of love and kindness, there is always the negative side of it. I know it is a test of how much you can put your faith in this world where almost everyone has escaped and had long ago surrendered.

As much as I would not like to see things, know and understand situations, I was meant to deal with it. I was here. I was there. I saw it. I hear it. I knew it. And I try to understand it. But these things are difficult for me. I found myself wishing not to know and see things this way. As much as I wanted to numb myself and be dumb on certain things, I just cannot do it. I was always involved even though I should not be in the first place. It is so hard when I try so much to understand but they do not want to let you inside. When I try to care and get involve, I was accused of being out of bounds. I was suddenly in a blur. It is like after all of it, I will have to figure out by myself what exactly just happened.

It is hard to be blind when you see things. It is hard to be deaf when you are needed to listen to it. It is hard to put yourself into mute mode because you know nobody will listen. It is hard not to feel at all when you know it is really meant to hurt. And thus, my doctor's diagnosis was right that I have hypersensitivity.

As much as I would not like to, I cannot escape. I am in this world. I am to deal with it. And at the end of the day, I was here for a reason.

Push

Have you ever felt like that? Like you were standing on the edge of the cliff with nowhere to go? You were like a piece of rock just dreading to be pushed by the strong wind and it watches you feel into pieces. It is so hard to feel you belong when there is someone voting you out of the circle. It is exhausting to fight for your rightful place when everyone is making you feel an outcast. It is so frustrating to stay when everything that is happening is pushing you farther away.

Why do we have to go through complications when all we wanted is just to fit in? Why can everyone just go along with each other and be honest? When every truth you believed in was just built from lies. I know in this world there are lies. There are cover ups. Everyone tries to wear a mask. Everyone tries to be mysterious so to find someone who can pull something out of them.

It is a wonderful feeling when you find somebody who had pulled you inside their world. When there are no monsters to reveal behind a dazzling masks. Somebody had trusted you and you put your faith in them. You are free to roam in their world and everything else falls into the right place. The world is real and you finally fit in.

But suddenly as you run along freely, you met a dead end and was standing in the edge. The world that makes you safe is suddenly a nightmare. They got you inside a huge cover up. They thought pulling you inside would give them something in return but they did not get that something. Something to gain for from letting you in. They had built a world of lies. And now they are pushing you off the sharp edge of a cliff.

All along you were true to yourself and to them but they were blinded by their evil schemes. To attract people in their world and to have you do something from them. The world you thought was real has suddenly come to an end. You were pushed away. You are now the rock falling into the abyss of being broken into pieces.

They did not see how better the world could be if only everyone is true. Everyone believes in someone else. Maybe then we do not have to struggle to be puled inside or have the fear of being pushed away. That is why everyone tries to be on the safe side and wear those masks or just hide inside their own world. I guess there would always be people trying to throw out people. It is just sad to see that in the end they are the ones left alone inside their world full of lies.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand."

I was circling the bookstore to find this book. I promised myself I would buy this book as I decided to get back to reading again regularly. And so I finally lay my hands on the book entitled "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. As you see the book has a very interesting cover and deeply amazing plot. I am just scared that I might put this book down and I might not find the time to read it but I am glad I did not.

As I turned the pages I found that it is perfect for me. The story revolves around Charlie who opens up to a "friend" about his life by writing letters. So we get to know Charlie who is described by his Aunt Helen as "special". His teacher Bill believed is special too and is exceptionally intelligent. Bill gives him special assignments by giving him bokOps }yntmaking an essay out of it. His mother said he has a talent on telling stories. His father trusted him to keep a secret on how he caught his Dad crying after watching the last episode of Mash. His sister also made him keep a promise on not telling anyone about her accidental pregnancy. And how his brother shared stories with him about football and girls. And how Charlie was not afraid to cry and be emotional and say his "I love you's" to those people close to him.

Charlie was not the biggest geek or even popular. He is trying to blend in and trying to be noticed. Indeed he is a wallflower trying to test the waters of being a teenage but trying to swim on it and hoping not to get drowned. He eventually met friends, seniors Patrick and Sam. With them he was welcomed to the world of sex,drugs, dating, alcohol, gay relationships and love. As he go through exploring his world with them, they expect him to blend in, as a true wallflower; he see things,keep quiet about them and just have to learn to understand it for himself. Charlie learned that loving the beautiful Sam but nothing to gain in return is what true love is. Charlie saw that gay relationships might be so complicated but as long as the two people involved are in unity, he learned to be happy for his friends Patrick and Brad.

I was in this book as I was reading it. I was blending in the crowd like a perfect wallflower. Going on like I never really did care but deep inside there is a kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions. And because unnoticed nobody really cared what you think or feel. And I was Charlie. I guess in this sea of people, there should always be a wallflower or maybe a bunch of wallflower. Trying t go unnoticed but would like to have a chance of a spotlight. Always the one being quiet but trying to get heard someday. And the real perk of being a wallflower is the ability to understand. It might seem pathetic because they immediately expect you to understand but I think it is the trust of people to judge you as being an understandable person. To accept things without questions. To see the reasons behind people's drastic choices or even their non-sense decisions.

A lot of friends saw me reading this book. One said, that the title itself tells it has a deep story. Another said, it is an emotional one. Then there is another who laughed at the title and asked if there would really be some perks of being a wallflower. And I was quick to answer that there is. The thought of being invisible without even having the real power of it is amazing. It might be strange and boring life of being unnoticed but the fact of being able to understand when no one would is a gift.

"We accept the Love that we think we Deserve."