Acceptance

Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me....

Sometimes I care too much. I care too much in a way that they think i am already interfering with their lives. the more I wanted then to be on the right track and to be away from danger the more they think I am over ruling everything in their lives. But the truth is I care too much when nobody really cares in return.

Sometimes I bother too much on things that don't really matter. But since I wanted to understand and make people understand in return, I always crack my head open on why certain things happen. why do people have to do this and that? Why do we have to complicate things? Why do we have to come and then leave in the process? i bother too much for other people that most of the time I forgot the things that really bothers myself.

Sometimes I believe too much that when the unexpected moment that things weren't the same way anymore, I was left shaken. My world suddenly turned upside down, all the while the things that you have embraced to believe were all lies and were meant to be shattered.

But I have learned these sometimes of mine were becoming a habit, that is too odd to be normal. I remembered one of my friend who told me that he does not trust the nature of a human anymore. I think that was sad. To no longer have faith in human anymore, But maybe he is right all along. Better face the harsh reality of the weakness of human than to go through believing when in the end it will all be nothing.

I guess I don't really have to understand, care or believe in too much but just accept...it is less painful...

On a Market Day

I can't remember the last time I went with my mother to the market. So I decided o go with Mama this Sunday. It felt like the old days were I hold on to Mama as we roam around the busy market buying all those stuffs we needed. I remembered my wide-eyed awe to the different people working in and out of the market.

I found myself still having that wide-eyed fascination to the people from all walks of life roaming around and busy to make both ends meet. I felt like a little child again. Our city’s market has been transformed into a much likeable and clean place to shop around. I no longer felt icky when walking on the moist and dirty part of the wet section. Everything is in place. My Mama just tugged me along to the different sections of the market. Buying food is a breeze. The meat and fish, vegetables and those dry goods are place in each section of their own.

Anyways, my habit of looking into the faces of different people was exercised on this trip to the market. Let me tell you the scenes I witnessed on a two-hour stay at our market...

Nothing much has change on a busy day at the market. I still saw those kids who were sometimes barefoot selling their plastic bags for Php2.00. "Ate, bili ka ng plastic,oh!" they would shout but sound like almost begging to those people to buy their plastic. I get to buy one from a mother with her daughter in tow who was selling calamansi. They said their thank you to me and even ask me to buy some calamansi...

I found a guy sleeping soundly under a vegetable stall. Despite the sweltering heat and the noise of the people around he found time to take a nap...

As Mama buys some 'bangus" an old man came rushing on my side with his pushcart. On it was what they call a 'banyera' full of fish. Hs skin was burnt by the sun and he has earned some gray hair. He was a bit small for an average man. I saw him struggling as he unloaded the banyeras to the stall near me. I was not able to see his face but I know he is too old with that kind of work...

As the plastic I am carrying gets heavy, Mama told me to just stay put in one place and I'll just wait for her to go back for me. I said no. I found that I am still scared to get lost and not to be with Mama on a busy market day. To think I was already 23 years old and it is not that scary to get lost among the crowd...

I miss doing this. I was thinking of going with Mama again on one of her trip to the market. I get to observed those people from all walks of life and think of what kind of life they are living....

Cheesy

I may be corny or you can call me cheesy when you’ve read this post. Then no matter what this post will be here.

I got excited on meeting my friend again and this movie was a perfect time to meet up. I was caught up in the movie to think I was in a middle of an emotional dilemma with my best bud. On top of that, I just got out from work with a hungry stomach.

The story has a simple plot but with this kind of love portrayed in the movie, it has always been a fantasy for every single girl like me. Sarah Geronimo’s character as Roann Sanchez was totally relatable. She was the No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth girl who has all the love and support of her family. With her wisdom that “True Love Waits”, it was unexpected to met someone like Eric Rodriguez played by Gerald Anderson. The only son of the President of the Republic of the Philippines, who studied in the States and knew nothing but the good times.

Roann showed Eric the real world far from the life he had learned to live. It has nothing to do with girls, bar hopping and drinking with his buddies at all which were the things he knew how to do.

An unlikely meeting, brought the opposite persons together. Roann work as an NGO worker and she was surprised that Eric was their guest in the event instead of his mother. It was an embarassing moment when she accidentally bumped her face on the door to welcome him with the bouquet of flowers.

Eric suddenly found himself lost in Roann's ordinary world. The President, his father assigned him in an immersion with Roann in a remote province sponsored by the foundation. As they argue and irritate each other they were not expecting that love will come their way.

Eric found himself falling for the girl way out of his league. Roann in return surprisingly found the love she had been waiting to a guy way out of her reach. They tried to hide it but the sparks cannot be denied. Their realationship has some flaws with Eric's high-profiled life and Roann's insecurities. But their love triumphed amidst the obstacles.

Their scenes gave me the "kilig" I've never felt in a long time in romance movies. I was not expecting the chemistry they have ignited in the screen. It is not the typical romance movies wherein they put kissing and intimate scenes to capture the audience. Just the goo-gooe eyed with each other and their holding hands were enought to send butterflies in my stomach.

Fall in love and get caught in their love bug..<3

SOAP:The Last Slip and Fall

I was always inside that cold, dark corner. Sometimes moist and sometimes dry. I was there when you need me. I was just there. There, in the bathroom. I was the small, soft and slippery soap. When you touch me I was happy. I get to be with you and close to you. But our normal day won't be usual without me slipping away in your hands. So that was our usual day. An ordinary day but it was my moment that I will keep. My moment is in every time that I slip and fall out of your hands and you pick me up carefully. I felt I was cherished and I felt you needed me. So the usual moment goes on. I slip, fall and you use me again. But that moment of every time, you don't know that you take the very best of me. Gradually, I was losing my very self along the way. In that every slip and fall, I was fading away. Then the day came that I was almost not there anymore. Again, I slip away in your hands. Sometimes, I wonder if you intentionally do that or you are just clumsy or maybe I was really that slippery. So this slip and fall moment is different this time. It was painful. Along my fall, I was slashed in half on a sharp edge of a tube of body wash. I was not whole anymore when I hit the cold, moist floor. Reality was there. Guess it was always there and I just have to have a hard slip and fall to face it. I saw and felt that I was broken easily. The water are my tears as it runs through your body along with me as you still use me. I think that was the last piece of me. The last of me that you can hold on to. It was my adieu to our slip and fall moments. I was already broken. You can always find some(thing) else...

Green Means Go

I just can't believe this is happening. Sometimes I think this is too much too handle. But you let me go just like that. I was left hanging, cracking my brain open hoping to find an answer. Did I do something wrong? But in the end I was left unanswered. I tried to reach out but things were left unsaid for you chose not to hear me.

I kept on shouting to the wrong people. They are not supposed to hear but I got no choice. They can lend me an ear when you turn a deaf ear. Through it all, I knew this is going to happen but I guess I was unprepared for it. I am trying to be happy for myself as you chose to do the same. I am letting you do it on your own. I am letting you be. But I really am so clueless what happened. I guess these were all meant to happen.

I got no regrets. I am yours. I am still here as I said even if you don't need me. I must try to move on for there is no way to go but to move forward. All must go. The lights are already green. It was in green all along. It was already telling me to go.

I am dragging my feet, you know. I don't really want to run for I was even finding it hard to walk away from you. But you had let me go, so I must do the same.

R.etired E.xtremely D.angerous

I was itching to go away. I want to keep my mind off of things I should not be thinking when it does not bother thinking about me at all. I was splitting my mind on going or staying at home. Just waiting for me to get sleepy until it is time to wake up and get ready for work. But I made up my mind, with meager money in my light-weight wallet., I decided to go.

I left early and found myself in Glorietta. At home I know I want to watch a movie and my plan B would be having a food trip. I was really having a big appetite these passed few days anyway. But then again I am a movie buff so I ended up on the line at the ticket booth. I honestly don't have a movie in mind that I would like to watch. So I looked at the screen for the movie line up and see the schedules. I chose the one that will just give me enough time not to be late at work. I choose the shortest title on the line up: RED.

I already got to watched the trailer of this movie. It circles about spies and CIAs and these topics had their magnets on me. Aside from the junk food I had I can't resist on munching cheeseburgers and fries on a movie like this. I think I'm loving Glorietta cinemas but Shang Cineplex is still my number one.

The movie started with Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) living a boring life as a retired man whose only social life is talking to Sarah (Mary Louise Parker) on the phone about his monthly pension. He tore those checks

being sent on the mail just to

have the reason to take to his lady love on the phone. (Aww, isn't that sweet?). So the action starts as one night armed men literally bombarded bullets that brought his house down. But a RED like him escape without bruises. He came in search of his lady love so he can protect her for he knows he will go after her. Then as they search for answers why would someone want them dead the old gang got together again. Moses came in first with his old pal Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman) whose already 80-years old has stage 4 liver cancer and whose leisure in life is looking at those tight asses of her nurses at the nursing home. Then there was Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) a paranoid but someone you can count on. ( Love his line, "Old man my ass!"). And there was the ravishing Victoria (Helen Mirren) who tends her rose gar

den in her posh villa while killing people on the side just for the thrill. "You cannot just turn off the switch and flip over" she says about totally living a normal life and forgetting her life as a spy.

And so they brought the band back together. So follows the high-packed action scenes and explosive extravagance here and there. I just so love Helen Mirren's character on this movie. The guys were even scared to visit her for they fear that she would just shoot them. And admit it guys, don't you just find it sexy when a woman shoots high-powered guns with poise and calmness. No one does this scene so perfect like Helen Mirren did. (And so as Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, and the list goes on..) And by the way she says, "I kill people, dear" like it is just a normal day to day activity..=)

BRAIN-DEAD

I am smart. My friends never fail to tell me that I am. I know I am. But that smartness was lost when love comes my way. There is always wrong when I fall in love, I tend to lose my way in the process. Well, not to mention the pain and tears that comes with it. As love comes along, my brain was suddenly moved at my feet. I was stepping hard on it. In a snap I become stupid. I don’t know why.

When it comes to giving good, hard advice on being stupid in love, I was number one (I guess) among my friends. I was the one who give them the hurtful truth on the stupidity they are doing for the sake of love. Again, you know what they say; you cannot really put that advice to work to someone else unless you yourself put it to a test. So now I fell in love and become a total moron.

I just gave my all, to the point I have nothing left for myself. Even pride. I was told that I should save my whole salary so I can buy some pride for myself. It is really hard to muster some pride for myself. Maybe I was really nice or I am just scared of losing someone because of pride. Or, I am just really stupid.

I realized you only become stupid and lose your pride when you never really love yourself. That after all this time, all the while I thought I really loved myself and I have so much love to give that I was just sharing it to the people that matter in my life. But it is not. I think I have the notion that I needed to love somebody in order for me to love myself (EAT.PRAY.LOVE). I don’t know really. Sometimes I have this thought I am never really worthy of love so I just give out love to people that I met along the way in my life. If I cannot love myself I just have to give it out.

The truth of it all, LOVE made me stupid and will always make me stupid. Love is playing its game on me. Maybe Cupid loves the way I spread out love. Without even thinking of the reason of anything but just going for it no matter how idiotic it will be.

Anyways, my brain still functions when I do something for love. It is screaming at me when it knows I am going to do something stupid. Still, in the end my heart won the battle. Even if it hurts. Even if it is so weak to go on. My heart fights for its life. It’s the only reason it beats for life. Gradually, it may get tired and the stupidity will end. The end will mean my death, I suppose.

(I think they will declare me brain dead.)